b17n - A Great Deal of Life

instinct

2011-09-24T18:09:00.002+08:00

hey guys!

I woke up this morning and I felt like there is something I'm missing.. something that I haven't taken even a sneak peek and it has been so long.. then I straightly went to take a look at my laptop, clicking the Google Chrome and it felt like 'boom' when my mind suddenly were reminded of this blog and yeah, it has been 2 months.. I'm missing in action and it seems like this blog isn't mine anymore when I've abandoned it for this long..

okay whatever... by the way, I'm back again in Moscow and it has been almost 3 weeks.. the 5o days of summer holiday felt so short and less dramatic things happened.. nothing pretty interesting to tell about other than the fact being home, being somewhere where you belong to is definitely one of the best feeling ever.. they say that home sweet home even though my home is not a bungalow with a huge yard but I believe that whatever we have and whoever we are at present, there are reasons for that..

one thing that I've learned very much during the holiday is that instinct is always right, almost all the time.. our inner intuition is like a magical power and I believe that every and each of us has this inner strength to tell you about what's coming and it's actually a key, pretty hidden, to guide us on unveiling something which is concealed.. that's why nobody and not even one person could hold a secret without having it to be revealed.. it doesn't matter when it's going to happen.. if you're unfortunate enough, that might happen when you're still alive and sorry to say, the hardest part is all about dealing with the consequences.. if it is gonna be revealed when you're no longer on earth, your next generation and so on might have to deal with it.. instinct of a person is actually the worst enemy of a secret.. in most of the cases, there's nothing much to do to cease the glowing inner reception from inducing one's feeling and curiosity.. this is it and it happens in nature, and nature is created by God and God creates something with reasons..

when we got our intuition right, it is most probably the biggest winning ever.. however, for every something there is always exception because nobody and nothing is perfect.. what if we manage to find out something that we don't want to know? something which might turn your perception 180 degrees? something that you always pray to God so that it won't happen? when your instinct is right, you feel proud of yourself but often truths are hurting.. it's like a bomb is fixed inside a beautiful diamond which you used to adore but once the bomb reaches its final tick, it's like having all your dreams shattered..

what's the point of the persistent respect before? what's the point of the stable faith? what's the point of all those wonderful things that you used to admire? what's the point of everything?

as a conclusion, I don't know.. life is about moving on but no one can guarantee that we will go through with ease, painless.. that's life..

Rules are rules..

2011-07-17T22:55:00.002+08:00

Life has its stages and they are different from each other. There might be slight similarities but the big thing is they are still not the same.

The higher we go, the harder it will be. If you see someone is going easier as he's strolling upward to next phase, your vision is actually going against the nature. Some small things do but in life it plays the game just like in the PC or XBox or PS or Nintendo and so on.. I mean, as we move on, the harder it gets.

The higher the level, the more sweat you need to pass it and of course, efforts. And efforts represent everything it takes to take the edges down. You may not hear Usain Bolt saying that Olympic is a pie cake compared to a school level dash. He might have said it especially after winning the gold medal with world record in hands but the point to see is how much he had struggled to reach that point. Same as Rome. There's a saying that it wasn't built in a day and it makes me wondering about its peculiar values which I haven't seen but of course a great city will take plenty of time to be raised and developed. To feed my curiosity, I can track down its history and I do know a little about it but still you won't believe something until it comes right between your eyes. And history isn't my thing to make things clear.

Another example is The Prophet pbuh. The odyssey of spreading Islam back then wasn't that easy especially when it involved faith and belief. Lots of things came along the way but he remained serene and consistent along the way even though the challenges were sometimes as big as the meteors which could break the Earth into pieces if it weren't for the atmosphere and Allah's strategic planning of the universe. Somehow, Rasulullah saw them nothing but compulsory tests.

Nothing is easy and if you dream big, you have to work 'big' too. Sometimes I lament for my own attitude, trying to soar high without doing what it takes to reach that height. I work less but I have this big target inside my head and I confess that I always hope for divine intervention so that I can reach my destination effortlessly but at some point of life, I realise that I live my life differently than it should be. I know the best can be achieved by working at our best and that best includes working hard and smart and not simply staying supine on bed and expecting everything is already there for you. That's so wrong.

We do realise what is right and what is wrong, when to stand up after we fall, when to run after each walk, when to cry after every laughter but we don't realise sometimes we're behaving in a manner of going against what is ruled and we try to go the other way which is not cofined under the template system but despite the critical attempt to be a superhuman which should be awarded with a salutation, we must understand that we are merely humans.

-vilzan-

Indecisive

2011-07-06T04:05:00.001+08:00

Hello guys! How have u been doing? Answer it to yourself.

And finally it's July and in 15 days onwards, I'm gonna be on board in Thai Airways plane heading to Bangkok . And then, I will be having a 'leisure' 10 hours of transit time before proceeding with the journey to Kuala Lumpur.

Nothing can beat the feeling of going home. Some of my friends had already arrived in Malaysia and had even enjoying their breakfast with teh tarik and roti canai which are nowhere to be found in Moscow. All these lucky friends are just way too excited they resort their feeling through FB status and it's real pity for us here who are still counting days to go back home since it is inevitable to read all those challenging statuses even though we've been setting our minds up to stay positive earlier since we had expected to see them coming. That's why Facebook is a risky site sometimes especially when you're trying to hold your emotion from exploding. And yes, they do come and we're all attempting to stay unaffected but the thing is the force is just so massive that in the end some of us begin to ask ourselves whether they had made the best decision or not for doing the practical here. At the end of the day, everything relates back to your initial decision.

Decision is crutially important because it's a process which will deal with the forthcoming events. Human is no God and none of us actually has the proven ability to see the future even though sometimes insticnt plays their parts but somehow it is still under the category of making assumption. No one can validate the exact event of tomorrow and even the next 1 hour. When you're making decision, you're actually mixing it together with fate and the outcome is still cannot be guaranteed.

Okay, I think I have come longer way than necessary. I am actually in the state of doing such thing - making a decision - on a particular thing. I have made up my mind but the same process is still lying ahead and fate will determine whether it's gonna work or not. Plus, when others are also involved in the circle, the whole process is getting even more 'tangled' than before.

The last thing to do is praying for the best outcome because He knows best.... :)

-vilzan-

distraction is a killer!

2011-06-24T05:39:00.002+08:00

Do you ever feel like everything that surrounds you seem to be very distracting?

and this is what I feel right now.. seriously, this is getting serious.. I feel like I can't cope much with what is circling me.. I am easily engulfed by their projection and sometimes I just don't know what to do.. and the best part is when it starts to tickle my limbic components.. when emotion gets involved, you may find it even harder to adapt..

As for now, I'm struggling to focus. I just wanna run to somewhere where I won't think of anything other than concentrating my 5 senses on something which is now at the top of the priority list and is urgent to be done..

Distraction is a killer!

the final curtain

2011-06-17T19:00:00.002+08:00

It's almost the final curtain of second year.. I haven't finished all the exams but I would glad to say that I'm an unofficially third year student.. yeah, almost half the way of earning a Degree in Medicine..

May Allah bless my journey.. :)

updated..

2011-06-04T00:37:00.003+08:00

hye guys.. it has been a while.. no, I mean it has been a month this blog was left idle, without any updates..

life is kinda busy.. there are lots of things to be settled and they are still unfinished.. exams are around the corner and I really have to start preparing myself for them as soon as possible.. doing things at the very last minute is never the most effective but it is still practical by the way.. hehe..

for this post, I'm doing a cover of Anuar Zain's song - Semua Untukmu.. I sing only almost half of it and this is actually my first 'mencapub' video.. haha.. I don't mean to do that.. It's just that I suddenly got this gut in me to do this thing called v-logging but it's not really a v-log by the way.. I was just kind of bored and there's nothing much to do plus the accumulated stress, not a hard one by the way, so I recorded this short video of my own cover of this song..

so, why this song? I dedicate this song tho those I really love.. haha.. just kidding.. I don't have any special intention and dedication for this video.. This video was done mainly due to boredom.. but if you think I sing this song for you, then it's yours.. hahaha.. :p

before you press the play button, I just wanna say sorry if there are some weaknesses in pitching, tone or whatever it is related to singing technique.. I'm just an amateur, not a professional singer, and I love to sing even though my voice isn't that good.. Quoting the statement of Rebecca Black, I believe that I'm not the best singer but I'm not the worst either.. hahahha..

and if you feel uncomfortable watching my maybe-over expression with some annoying movements, I wanna say sorry again.. since I was singing in sitting position, I was struggling a little bit to keep up with the note to avoid any off-to-valley pitch.. haha.. this might be redundant but I wanna say it again, I'm not a pro.. haha..

so, enjoy.. peace :)

Have had it enough

2011-05-08T07:19:00.001+08:00

Yes, I've had it enough. I've been saying this to myself for couple of times but I never committed it. My mind told me to give up when things didn't get right and in this case, surrender is actually the better option rather than letting it endure with time.

I did and do try but confusion often appears as the last layer and as it is always accustomed to happen in nature, the final stage is often the hardest. This is the point where I will have some kind of mental technical gymnastic and all the twists and somersaults really do their best to wrap it all in my mind. After the final routine execution, I will get back to the initial point. An
expected discontinous sequence has been turned into a metamorphosis. Sounds cool but that's not how I want it to be and the way it often appears in the end is equal to useless.

Even a child at their simplest mind can tell how useless something is if it recoils back to the initial point when the main aim is not to get there back. And it is even more painful when you still have the audacity to repeat the same thing, hoping for miracles but during the whole process, you know that it will never get to escape from making a U-turn.

Sometimes I lament for what had happened and genuinely feel sorry for what I try to expect. I have considered to stop trying but I am afraid if I might lose something which could be sort of the best thing ever happen in my life.

This whole week was one of the toughest week to go through mentally as my mind wasn't working as a mind.

For sure, I have had it enough but it doesn't mean I'm gonna come to a halt from being silly in this matter at least in the near future.

May Allah guide my conscience and it will tell me what to do next. Amin..

-vilzan-

Saya setuju dengan Rebecca Black!!

2011-04-11T00:11:00.004+08:00

Salam to all lovely people..

Thank you for tuning up, reading this latest post of my blog..

You can click the play button on the above video if you haven't watched it but I'm pretty sure that most avid users of internet had watched it since it is quite sensational up to this day..

orang kata lirik lagu ini sangat tak menarik.. suara penyanyi pun mcm haram, ditambah lagi dengan tajuk yang orang zaman sekarang kata 'lame' (bukan lama tapi dibaca 'lame').. lame as in english.. maksudnya macam lemah or something like that la.. kalau translate lirik pun macam entah apa2..

Jom ambil yg part chorus..

It's Friday, Friday, gotta get down on Friday

Everybody's looking forward to the weekend

kalau dengar pun mcm x komersial.. macam mana la lagu mcm ni boleh jadi hit.. tapi lagu ni hit pun in a negative way...negative comments surpass positive comments... fuhh... famous sebab keburukan... so, mmg yg x vogue la kan... hahaha..

okla, tak nak la komen2 pasal lagu2 ni... aku bukanlah professional judges mcm Kudsia Kahar ataupun Simon Cowell walaupun dorang kadang2 bajet je nampak professional.. lol... so mmg aku x boleh kata lebih la... hihi... simple2 sudeyh..

tapi one thing yang aku suka pasal lagu ni is yes, aku sgt suka FRIDAY!! friday maksudnya sudah hampir hujung minggu... free... dapat release tension.. memang terbaik... kalau ikut jadual kelas pun, hari Jumaat just ada lecture Microbiology and Bioethics class yang sememangnya tidak memerlukan penggunaan konsentrasi yang tinggi... so, mmg enjoy and lepak la kalau hari jumaat.. huhu

and then the next day is Saturday.. yeah.. hari sabtu pun best... the whole day free.. aku mmg dedicate hari sabtu ni hari untuk aku berehat penuh... x mau tengok buku langsung... bikin gua tension... huhu... boleh tgk movie, pg jalan2.. mmg best la... kalau hari2 hari sabtu mesti best... feel carefree...

but then Sunday come afterwards... hmmm... aku mmg sejak dari kecik mmg x suka hari Ahad.. walaupun hari Ahad ni nampak hari paling happening, hari orang paling ramai pg mall, shopping and so on tp asal terfikir hari ahad, mesti teringat hari Isnin,.. hari Isnin - hari bekerja, hari persekolahan, hari study... ughhh.. tfikir pasal kelas praktikal, lecture, and so on... tension2.. so it's like hari ahad ni digunakan untuk prepare for hari Isnin so mmg x enjoy la kan...

lagi satu hari Ahad aku senang sangat rasa down... mulalah melayan perasaan sampai kadang2 membuang masa.. hari yang sangat tak produktif even though the whole day cuti...

huhu

so, kesimpulannya, kepada Rebecca Black, kalau ko baca blog aku, kalau ko faham, aku cuma nak bagitau aku setuju ngan ko... Masa ko tarik part "I don't want this weekend to end", aku tau perasaan ko mcm mana walaupun pitching kau dah macam nak masuk Lautan Pasifik... macam tak best la kan hujung minggu dah nak habis... huhu

so, do you all love weekend (except Sunday) like I do?? huhu.... tanya diri, jawablah sendiri..

salam...

(p/s: wondering mcm manalah nasib Rebecca Black tu.. mesti stress gila kalau pergi sekolah, jadi joke material at school... horrible.. kalau jadi kat aku mmg azab la... )

Drop-by

2011-04-04T00:16:00.002+08:00

assalamualaikum w.b.t

The sun shone brightly outside today and the temperature rose up to 12 degree celcius which signified spring has started.. Snow starts to melt down and I'm pretty sure these few days ahead, there will be a minor flood.. Mud will be everywhere, so it is gonna take some time to wait Moscow to be fully dry before I can put on my new shoe, going for a jog and roller-blading.. Can't wait.. :D

I have so many posts in my draft list.. So many stories to share but I always fail to finish them.. I haven't told you guys about my journey to Paris, why we moved to a new house, how some lecturers or professors could be too self-indulgent, why people tend to be so ambitious and how it affects the people in their surrounding and so on.. Seriously, I got all these drafts but they are not finish yet, so I postpone the time to publish it..

this is just a drop-by post.. have a good day everyone... :D

SPMzzz... not spam..

2011-03-24T00:17:00.003+08:00

SPM result is out today!! I'm pretty sure that most of the candidates would feel as nervous as cats in a room full of rocking chairs.. Anxiety rushing through the blood and at some point you're just not ready for that big moment..

I woke up today and I logged in to Facebook and there were tons of status updates, wall posts and so on being posted on FB.. There were words of joy and not to mention those expression of frustration and disappointment. Some even came up with excitement of getting an unexpected result.

I've been there. We all had been there. All SPM-leavers had feel it.

Everything is just the same. The year takes turn and the same drama, scene, emotions, everything is just a cycle that is repeated annually. The examination format might change from time to time and so do the syllabus and the difficulties but when it is finally time for the result's announcement, we're all experiencing the same thing.

Somebody has analogized it as if a heavy, big stone is taken from us. Major relief!! Fuhh.. No more painful waiting with a touch of torture..

And then all of us, most of us basically will climb up the ladder and soon the bitter sweet of SPM will fade in time even though the memory might last forever but the feeling wouldn't stay as much as it can do to take our life.

Simply saying, SPM isn't everything. It's just an intermediate process which later will be hardly recalled as you grow older. Later, you will enter college, matriculation, universities or wherever it is where we can call that place as the succeeding place to study. And then, a new cycle commences and life is taken into a new stage.

The challenges will be even bigger with more complicated hurdles to jump and mazes to solve. After you fall in this process, this is where you will begin to ask where SPM has taken you. With excellent result, will it make you the cleverest person in the world? You know what the answer is..

The analogy is simple. Before SPM, we've been through PMR. And then we get excellent result but will it determine our result for the next big exam? Hell to the no.. There are lots of students who scored their PMR with so-called perfect A's but didn't really do well in SPM and vice versa.

Look guys, I'm not saying SPM is worthless at all. No. Basically not. We use our SPM result as a ticket for better opportunity in the future to study in the major that we want, or maybe using it to apply for scholarships and with excellent result, it can boost our morale to the max and fulfills the gratification that we've reserved before.

But, when the next stage begins, SPM will be just a sweet memory if it satisfies you or a bitter figure if you don't get what you want. That's it. You think you can convert all those As' later? For money, for first-class result in university? Hell to the no..

It's common to hear top SPM scorer do just average, or maybe below-average during university. Why is it? But they have outstanding SPM results, so this can't be true!!

Just shut up.. It's really happening..

To those who get excellent result, congratulations!! Just keep your rhythm and stay consistent. To those who don't or maybe are slightly down for not getting what they expect, it's not the end of the world. Do a comeback in the next stage!!

And don't be overwhelmed by the results regardless of its quality because in 10 years time when somebody asks you what your result was, they will only reply with a 'Hmmm.. Ok' after you tell them.. They judge you for what you are at that time, not your past... =)

*Somebody has greatly experienced the contrary of his past achievement.. I wonder who that guy is.. *wink *

*Someone has made me proud.. Well, I've expected you to do well.. Thanks for telling me when I actually don't expect you to tell me.. You make me feel worthy somehow.. Really appreciate it.. Well, I've been in your place.. and it feels good to have someone to tell about your achievement when the relationship is basically built on respect.. "

The snow in spring

2011-03-23T02:33:00.004+08:00

haven't come up with a new post for about a month.. don't have much word in my head to be sent to my fingers to be typed into the blog...and even right at this moment..

so, this post will be featuring a video which I recorded yesterday when the snow fell heavily and slowly during spring time and it lasted for about 200s.. I took it on my way back home... since graphic tells the story better, so enjoy!

It's up to you...

2011-02-25T17:46:00.001+08:00

The issue about incompetency of Russian medical graduates has been circulating throughout the nation and has gained so many mixed reviews..

As for me, I'm still not ready to write any review or opinion but somehow I got one thing for sure to be shared.. It is just a general statement which could represent both sides, be it the pro or the opposition.

No matter what stance you are in, it doesn't matter. I believe that neutrality is the best side for certain circumstances instead of participating on the rivalries.

So here is it.. No matter where you're studying, be it in a world-class institution or a loser academy, if you have that will and desire, then everything should be all right then. If you got to study at a better institution, then it's a huge bonus and you should take advantage of it. If you're unfortunate enough and can only enrol on regular or maybe below-average universities, don't make it as a point that you can't do well enough to be a better product. Having yourself trapped in a really bad system doesn't mean you will be turned into the same thing. It could a be a major disadvantage but somehow the only way you can be at the same level with those who are conducted under the so-called best system is to work extra miles and try to achieve something that your system doesn't offer to you.

The system sometimes can't determine who you are and who you'll be. Even if you study in Harvard, John Hopkins or wherever it is, if your attitude is as weak as a fragile and vulnerable heart, then you know what will happen.

I'm not saying that I'm good enough. I'm flawed as well and there are a lot more people who are better than me out there. The common thing that is shared by people in the world is no matter how superior and inferior they are, they actually know what they should do to make things right when it doesn't. The only difference is whether they really up for the execution or not, or having the gut and desire to do so.

That's one of the aspect that draws a line between excellent and flunked people. It's just a simple thing when it makes an apparition on words but when it comes to real life, everyone knows how heavy it is to be carried and held.

But the question still remains whether you wanna go with it or not..

At the end of the day, it's up to you..

Adioss..

-vilzan-

Happy 17th Birthday!!!

2011-02-21T22:24:00.007+08:00

hye guys... long time no see.. I've been busy all this while but even if I have some free time, I still couldn't confirm to write any posts since idea rarely comes..

it's the 21st of February and I would like to tell that today is my little brother's 17th birthday.. Happy birthday Vilhafizy bin Momin.. Now that you are a year older, I hope you will be more mature in your action since you've been very childish all these years of your life..I'm not sure whether this has something to do with you being the youngest child in our family but I'm proud of being your brother, even though we fight sometimes and you can be too annoying by bragging too much about what you are good in as well as too hard to be taught.. You can be irritating enough when you neglect other's opinion and simply going together with your hardhead.. hmm, I would say that you are pretty naughty and that often results with you being scolded by Mom and Dad but still, you never change... Haha... you're turning 17 this year but you still sleep together with Mom and Dad in a room.. I know you're a coward and you hate any paranormal entities but come on, grow up la!!

we've been apart since I was in Form 1 because I entered boarding school.. In a year, we spend only about 2-3 months together and the rest of the months, we are separated.. You stay at home,I stay at school.. and now, I am even more far away.. and we only have +/- 2 months only to spend together during my winter break.. I might not always be there to watch you growing up but everytime when I went back home, there will always be changes in you, even just a bit.. as time goes by, you slowly grow up to be a teenager.. and later an adult which is still blurry when it will gonna be..

Last summer, when I went home, I've seen the changed version of you.. You have evolved a level upper in fashion-conscious.. The old you was kind of a fashion disaster but today you are very choosy whenever it comes to your appearance.. Games used to be the only thing on your mind and you still have it today but it gets lesser.. You begin to talk about girls.. I know you date someone and maybe in a relationship with her but I don't know if she really exists or maybe she's just kind of your virtual girlfriend.. I checked your phone and I saw those messages of love that you saved in drafts... ewww, jiwang karat la!!!! hahaha..

sometimes when I am alone, I will begin to think about you and after analyzing the changes in you, I must admit the fact that you've grown up.. You are no longer that innocent but bad and naughty kid which I used to know.. yes, you're already a teenager my bro!!

I might lose my childish brother because he is no longer a kiddy but you are still the same person as you were.. You are still naughty... If you want something, you will be as good and soft as you can be, begging to Mom and Dad (now me included) to buy them for you.. You are actually a quick learner if the subject is something that you are really into like mechanical, computer, games and so on... You are more hardworking than me when it downs to cleaning the house and I think you can be hired to be a maid!! Hahaha..

One thing that I really envy you the most is your ability to socialize with ease.. We're so different when it comes to this.. I am an introvert, you are an extrovert.. You make friends effortlessly while I'm trying so hard to even communicate with people.. Sometimes you could be even shyer than me but that only happens when it has something to do with formal things.. I feel like punching you on the face whenever you are reacting excessively like shouting and disturbing people at the wrong time..

Whatever it is, the bad and good sides of you don't matter at all.. You're my brother and you always will.. We rarely skype, chat or communicate with each other because we will feel awkward but honestly, I don't think we aren't close to each other..

so, happy birthday again my bro!! I hope you're doing good there.. Always listen to Mom's and Dad's advice.. always be good to them.. study hard because at the end of this year, you're gonna sit for SPM, which will determine your future life... Hope the good things stay in you while the bads should leave...

I pray for your success.. All the best and good luck my little brother...

p/s:I know you are taller than me but you must admit that I'm more handsome than you, like what you girl friends said at school when they compared you and me... hahaha.. I'm serious...

the latest of him.. oo, Cungan is what we called him at house..

last summer holiday.. siblings day out..

the cute version of us

this one was captured before I flew to Russia

till then...

As-Salam

Hmm..

2011-02-14T08:37:00.001+08:00

Lately,

I don't feel good about myself..
And there's sort of so many problem...

I'm exhausted for being like this...

The Journey!

2011-02-06T05:42:00.003+08:00

It's already February and I hate to say this because I've been repeating the same words for like many times but somehow I feel like I just couldn't hold myself from saying that time flies so fast. And it's already the 6th of February and it feels just like yesterday it was the 1st of February and just like last week it was the 1st of January of this year - 2011.

In this very short time period, I mean after the new year began up until today, I've been experiencing so many things, each with different moods and feelings. I even managed to step on a new land which used to be just a dream to even reach that foreign ground but with Allah's will and permission, I've made it. It's like a dream comes true and the feeling was just super amazing.

I made it to PARIS, France. Paris is one of the top spot in my city-that-I-must-travel list and gratefully, I made it when I was just 19. And I'm so in love with that city. How I wish Moscow could be as good as this dubbed-as-a-romantic place of Paris. The people, surrounding, scenery are simply fantastic.

I have a plan to write a travelogue of the journey and hopefully I will go on with it. I wanna share all the ups and downs throughout the memorable journey with all of you. Just pray that I have enough resource of desire to do the writing.

Okay, till then..

With love from Moscow..

Vilzan 12.56 am...

Away

2011-01-22T17:12:00.002+08:00

Gonna be away for a week...

Blogging : Off
Facebook : Off

Twitter : Hmm, maybe... p

Goodbye... See you all later...

Of FB status.. Thanks fellas for asking..

2011-01-19T02:07:00.003+08:00

Lately, I don't really write any status on facebook to be shared with the whole facebookers who befriend me..

I used to be so obsessed updating any events in my life and even expressing my feeling through FB status.. It made me thinking recently that probably I did that because I was out of my mind.. Seriously saying, if I looked through my statuses 2 years ago, I feel like asking myself, "Were you drunk the moment when you posted this?".. Literally..

I can feel that something has changed within me.. My lens of perception isn't the same as it was but still I don't know whether it's widening or narrowing.. So many things has changed in the past 2 years particularly myself.. Some part of me is still the old me but some part of my mind has turned over a new leaf..

Back to the main point, I update status only when I feel like doing so and whenever I feel bored or like seeking some acute attentions.. I mean everybody does.. We post status in hopes of getting response from other Facebook users like receiving comments or at least the thumb-up button being clicked as a recognition.. Owh, the term is 'Like'..

I admit that sometimes I am sad if there aren't any responds emerge.. Haha.. How desperate that sounds but as the days passed, it dawns on me, slowly, that it's just nothing but a small thing which should never be focused on..

As an alright over-analyzer, I see things deeper than their surface projection.. When nobody responded to my wall post, ridiculously, I would begin to think that people are hating me or maybe they regard me a Facebook loser.. Seriously, no joke.. But today, no more.. Facebook is just a virtual world, you could write anything you want to reflect yourself as somebody else but still it doesn't change who you are in the real world.. That's how I see it..

I didn't plan to write this post but an acquiantance of me reached me through FB chat and directly asking on my declining activity on Facebook.. I replied with a 'Haha..' and the rest should be just confined to our knowledge.. Haha..

I know the moment when I write this, I've stepped up a level higher in the maturity scale..

Till then..

Wish me luck for Histology exam.. Then I'm off this country.. *wink

-vilzan-

the swaying and rocking..

2011-01-17T08:07:00.003+08:00

I'm back for a while after a sudden realization that I've been away for some time and resulted the neglect of coming up with any post.. some would call me lazy which I don't even care even though it did cause a stir, slightly without much effect, on me.. that would tarnish my name a bit but hey, I got some other things to do, so stop all this non-stop madness with all the sweat being dedicated to dig up the reason of this idleness..

I've been pondering too much all this while.. It is as if I forget that I have big thing ahead of me but it seems like I've turned it away.. Fantasy is really magic and the influence is as good as it is extremely real.. You know it's never exist or even gonna be something real but being part of it is always wonderful.. Whenever this thought of annoying reminder telling you that it's just a game of imagination, you would rather turn deaf and blind, struggling to never admit the fact.. The beautiful scene is not alive but the connection is even stronger than what we have with real life..

All these things are actually uncommon for someone who lives life the way he wants.. but for those who live the opposite way, fantasy could be a good site to escape after dealing too much with life.. at least, it curves your lips to smile even though it isn't for a reason of something which is really happening..

If there is a soundtrack for this post, let it be a melancholic tune.. i'm not hit by any big problems or even stumble upon any major events of life but it's just that I don't feel like I'm living with satisfaction... every moment is drowsy.. it's like I'm falling on the sky, without even care whether the ending will be good or bad, just so I know that I'm enjoying the ride which used to be just a vicarious excitement.. my life is rocking slowly as if it is in the mood of relaxation but too much of it is as if you forget all the worry..

there's no other choice but facing what's real, what lies ahead...

Non-stop.. Never feel bored..

2011-01-10T10:39:00.001+08:00

I've been listening to

1. When You're Gone - Avril Lavigne
2. When We Collide - Matt Cardle
3. No Boundaries - Kris Allen

for like 8 hours, repeatedly because I put them in a playlist.. I don't feel bored.. It's not just about the music.. The lyrics are meaningful and I feel deeply connected..

;)

P/s: 51 hours to go before Anatomy final exam..

Tense
Is
In
The
Air

Huhu..

-vilzan-

Normal, subnormal, supranormal

2011-01-09T00:23:00.001+08:00

Kadang2, kalo kita tension, kita akan acting terlebih or terkurang drpd biasa..

I just did it recently.. My mind was everywhere and I didn't think the way I always do.. Haha..

So now, I AM OFFICIALLY NORMAL back..

It's time to get super serious and focus..

oh Anatomy..

2011-01-08T21:17:00.003+08:00

Anatomy final examination is getting nearer.. Adrenaline rushes more rapidly day by day.. Things are pretty intense in this house.. Everyone is cramming their head... Oh body, why do you have to be so complex!!!

Even my iPod is now a tool to study Anatomy..

I don't know..

2011-01-07T15:24:00.001+08:00

Million of confusions exist in the world.. They could be minor or major, less or more influential to life, solvable or unsolvable and even big or small.. It covers all range, from the deepest trench to the wide universe..

They all lie inside our own mind.. While some could be confused because the subject is beyond their ken, some arrive at confusion for being too superlative..

I don't know I fall in which category..

I confuse whether I should tell or not.. If I tell, that person might feel I probe too much into his life.. If I remain silent, things will go on as usual which is bad and perhaps might turn troll..

Taking risk is all about having the gut.. Matt Cardle said you won't go anywhere if you don't take risk.. I do realise the fact of it but I'm just not ready for what's next..

I don't know...

first resolution of 2011

2011-01-04T02:01:00.004+08:00

I've been looking back at my past and I've made an extract.. It dawns on me that it's hard for me to remain serene in the midst of turbulence.. Some people could remain calm effortlessly but I need plethora of effort to even reach that level.. I freak out easily and often forget to stay calm.. I neglect the necessity of rational thinking by giving way to emotion which is totally a false act..

If I were in the middle of the sea in the monsoons, I think I am the drowned boat rather than a boat struggling to go through to the beach.. Life is an alternate of shaky and easy moments but there is never an indication when they are going to take turn.. Thus, constant preparation is obligatory and it is true to say that serenity is actually one of it.. It provides a pathway for thinking and finding solution.. Like a bitch (oppss) screaming and cursing after a sudden upheaval, there's no use of doing such thing.. Our reflex could put us on pressure but a genius person will stay calm.. It is not that they are the idle people but they are actually working on doing something.. It is not that they don't have any emotions but they know how to curb them.. They remain dormant at the beginning like a virus waiting for activation but at the end of the day, they are actually the people who bring the productivity...

Like an earthquake trying to collapse everything, shaky moments will do the same.. Strong buildings with good construction survive, and only the real people who know to play the game will stay..

so, my first resolution for this year is to calm down FIRST whenever I 'bump into' trouble, then do the thinking..

wish me luck!!

(the picture above shows a little bit of over emotion.. hahaha)

oh kamus.. dictionary.. huhu

2011-01-02T13:58:00.003+08:00

minat ku terhadap kamus kembali.. and kali ni aku terjumpa plak kamus yang sangat learner-friendly and every definition is explained using simple vocabulary which I find really helpful.. huhu

so, this is it..

It took me few hours whether I should buy it or not.. and up until now, I still haven't made my decision yet.. luckily, there's an iPhone/iPad version of it so I could just buy the digital version.. I did try to find the cracked version (I know it's illegal) but I couldn't find even one!! argghh..

so, skrg xtau lg nak beli or not.. huhu.. around rm 80 juga but I don't care as long as I know how helpful it would be.. well, english aku still lemah and sangat tak mantap, plus byk penggunaan vocab yg salah yg aku dah trace dlm post2 aku yg sebelum ni and aku pun nak improve my english aku to the next level (next to next to next lg better kot.. kalau next mcm still lemah je lg), n aku mcm nak amik IELTS for personal reason.. huhu.. xtaula.. so maybe dictionary ni boleh membantu kot.. okay, take a look at these snapshots..

see the way how they explain the definiton.. it is so much easier to be understood kan.. huhu..

ok, later kalau aku dah purchase, I will show the differences between this dictionary and other regular dictionaries.. x janji tau.. haha

(p/s: since datang Russia, English aku makin down.. so kena keep on learning.. huhu)

Tumblr mumblr..

2011-01-02T05:56:00.003+08:00

hey guys... in conjunction with new year, I've just created a new blog in Tumblr!!!

just click at this link - An Alright Over-Analyzer

but don't worry, I'm gonna do justice for both.. haha..

Hopefully!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!! even though it's a bit late...

Snapshots!!

2011-01-02T05:49:00.002+08:00

Last day of 2010 #2

2011-01-02T05:46:00.003+08:00

so , the planned activity was cancelled but I still got to get out!!

huhu..

it wasn’t really an outing for a special occasion but since yesterday was new year’s eve, it was alright to call it new year’s eve short outing..

so, Naqib, Scott and I decided to go to Metropolis (a shopping centre) which is just one station after the metro station which we stay nearby.. Naqib and I didn’t have any other plan rather than just having dinner and later go back home straightly..

however, this one heck of a guy, Scott was just so ‘high’ to go shopping since he hasn’t done any winter shopping, so as a matter of friendship, plus his constant begging, Naqib and I hesitantly agreed to accompany him.. haha… he tried and tried different costumes, asking for our opinion and almost every time he asked whether they suit him or not, we nodded as if there weren’t any other reactions available at that moment..

Metropolis closed earlier last night.. before we went back home, we did a short photography session outside the building (oohh, we did it too inside)..

huuhu..

till then..

Last day of 2010 #1

2010-12-31T10:55:00.003+08:00

it’s 5.23 am and hey, good morning Moscow!!

I haven’t slept yet because my biological clock won’t allow me to do so as well as I’ve just drank Nescafe which will boost the effect of going against sleepiness..

and just now, at 4.45 am, I suddenly felt hungry and my hand was trembling.. According to my physiology knowledge with some combination of biochemistry informations, this might be a resulting symptom to the appearance of executive mechanism after the changing of a parameter, and the parameter is the blood glucose level.. My mom is living with hypoglycemia and I guess I’m the next heir.. *sigh ..

I felt like eating something with a sweet taste and the first one appeared in my head was chocolate but I’ve ran out of the stock.. Then, I searched through my collection of food under my table and I found a pack of biscuits which I bought last week but still untouched..

so, I grabbed it to increase my blood glucose level again together with Nescafe.. huhu..

I took some pics of them before they melted in my mouth.. hihi

you can view the pictures above.. it has been quite some time I didn’t shoot with my DSLR.. and yeah, 12 days ago was my first anniversary with it.. I can’t believe how fast time flies..

-vilzan-

katakan pada org lain.. tapi diri sendiri tak terima..

2010-12-28T03:38:00.003+08:00

kadang2 org minta nasihat dari saya.. saya selalu cuba bantu dorg.. cuba bg nasihat yg terbaik.. nasihat yg betul, yg benar dan boleh diikuti dengan mudah..

tapi kadang2 sy sendiri terfikir..

'aku sendiri tak makan nasihat, mcm mana nak nasihatkan org lain??'

kadang2 nasihat yg diberi adalah nasihat yg perlu diberi kpd diri sendiri..

haha.. pandai nasihatkan org lain.. padahal diri sendiri pun x mampu..

entahlah.. kompleks la perkara2 mcm ni..

ringan mulut berbicara, tapi anggota susah nak amalkan.. lancar kata-kata disampaikan, namun tersekat-sekat hendak mengatur langkah.. madah sungguh tajam tapi tindakan tumpul kesannya..

asyik2 kata org lain degil, kepala batu, masuk telinga kiri, keluar telinga kanan.. padahal diri sendiri tetap melakukan perkara yang sama..

bila nak berubah??

xtaula...

huhu..

p/s: sebelum tahun baru, selalu kata tahun depan nak berubah.. tapi smp skrg still the same person.. huhu

Trying something new..

2010-12-27T06:48:00.003+08:00

I've tried photography and I do have a good bond with it even though there's still lots of improvements to be done.. I'm still under the required par to be at least recognised as a good photographer but that means I should learn more.. And yes, I'm learning.. Improvement comes from learning..

These recent days, I've this tendency watching random videos on youtube and suddenly, an idea popped!!

I feel like trying one.. I wanna make a short film and do the editing.. It seems interesting..

I have started yesterday by simply recording random and spontaneous events in my house but when it came to the editing part,I couldn't proceed.. I'm using a wireless mouse and unfortunately, last night was the day the energy derived from the AAA batteries ran out.. I could just resume by doing the dragging and clicking using the built-in touch-pad but I told you, that is just inconvenient, time-consuming and a bit hard.. Video editing will involve a lot of job which should be facilitated by the mouse and last night, I was just not that lucky, so it means next time..

They say that good software makes good video.. That's a true fact but the overall rating actually comes from creativity and imagination.. And I actually struggling to extract my creativity even though I own just a little of it.. Yeah, I'm sucks at creativity..

But that won't stop me.. Hopefully..

People could be so energy-and-desire-driven at the beginning but if they lose the grip at the middle of the process, everything is just rubbish..

He thinks just like I do..

2010-12-21T01:43:00.005+08:00

I got this video from a senior's facebook profile... I'm not alone and I'm glad knowing the fact that there are actually other people who feel the same way like I do..

I roughly can say that there are about 75%-85% of similarities to what I've been through.. It's a hard thing to deal and live with since it is in my blood and constantly circulate all the time and I have no power to just cease everything... Simply inseparable..

Just as he does, I'm doing the same way - struggling and fighting.. We always hope that we can think just like other people where they don't really dissolve themselves in a particular matter.. We try to be simple when we think but that's just impossible because we have this feeling of discontentment, dissatisfaction and even miserableness if we just take things simply for what they are without analysis in the process..

I don't know when it'll gonna stop because it's just unstoppable at this moment even if I try to pull the brake..

it's coming..

2010-12-17T04:50:00.004+08:00

It's coming... to an end..

I mean, 2011 is just around the corner and it's time to start wrapping 2010 because we are about to unpack 2011 in 2 weeks time..

As for my life as a student, life's getting pretty hectic since most final tests of every subject fall during the end of December.. When I say hectic, it means I gotta crack up my head again as well as staying up the whole night and facing the book.. Well, the staying-up part isn't really a problem since I'm an insomniac but the challenge really makes a big deal for the second part - studying.. Lately, I got issue with concentration. Having said that, it made me realize that recently, many things come and go, into and out from my life with no proper reason to explain their arrival and departure.. As an over-analyzer, I do much thinking. Hence, my focus is lost for study but actively coming to deliberate nonsense things..

Today, 17/12/2010, I got Physiology test.. I don't have any commentaries to make but a pinch of best luck is all I can give to myself..

Okay everyone..

Till then..

As-Salam

The taste that I haven't had for quite some time..

2010-12-16T03:58:00.003+08:00

It's a fine day here in this shaky city even though I was staying at home the whole day..

Nothing much to post..

I haven't had the taste of Nescafe for quite some time.. And it was only just now that I got to drink it.. It's not that Moscow is scarce of Nescafe.. No.. Haha... It's just that after stepping on this city, I don't feel like consuming one because of unexplained instinct..

The taste was pure as it always is and the aroma of caffeine hit the receptor of my olfactory pathway, blending in with the so-called feeling of missing the smell of it.. The taste was perfect..I really love it.. and it was totally refreshing! I suddenly had my mind being dashed back into the past..

I was dragged back at the moment when I was standing alone, facing the big window inside the hotel where I could see the magnificent view of Johor Bahru.. Standing there, wearing a blazer and drinking Nescafe, I feel like I was one of those guy who was actively involved in corporate activities.. Haha..

It was 2 years ago.. By the way, Nescafe has been synonymous to my family.. The whole members of my family love it.. But I like the most the Nescafe made by my sister.. It's the best taste of it so far..

Ok, got to go.. Got task to do.. Till then..

As-Salam

I know you're gonna win..

2010-12-15T20:29:00.003+08:00

Congratulations Matt Cardle!! I know you're gonna win.. You have such a huge fan base.. I hope that you're not gonna sink after the victory like some other winners did.. Be a Leona, not a Steve..

Enjoy everyone.. His version of When We Collide..

X-Factor Grand Finale!!

2010-12-12T18:02:00.003+08:00

I can't wait for tonight's X-Factor UK Series 7 final..

I wonder who will win but I'm rooting for Matt Cardle even though Rebecca Ferguson is on her own class while I could see a future for One Direction to be the next big boy band. But still, Matt has the better voice...

Good luck to the three of you..

U.L.P

2010-12-05T07:15:00.000+08:00

Unfaithful. Liar. Player.

ENough.. I understand..

December..

2010-12-02T04:36:00.003+08:00

It's December already.. the last month of 2010..

huhu..

nothing much for this post..

I'm now in the mood of jealousy..

Huhh..

I hope the situation that I've been thinking of is not true at all.. I hope it is just a game created by my over-analysis..

It's not even a big thing to be envied of.. Wait, for me it does matter.. I've been constructing a plot for the whole day to make an evidence but I know it's still unacceptable because I interpret it with my own imagination and emotion, based from the little source that I got..

I just feel insecure..

Whether it worths the jealousy or not, time will tell...

Hati2 membeli makanan..

2010-11-30T09:20:00.000+08:00

(yg atas cendawan, yg bawah khinzir.. Colour lebih kurang.. Tu yg confuse..)

So yesterday, I went to a mini shop (mcm 7-11 la) to buy some rice since smlm baru sedar yg beras dah habis.. Then, alang2 menyeluk pekasam, aku pun belilah sekali brg2 makanan personal yg mostly makanan segera.. Finela, x sihat kn but lantakla.. Huhu

As usual, aku akan beli mi segera perisa cendawan since that's the only 1 yg halal.. Aku pegi la bhgn mi segera then tgk kat bahagian depan tp xda pula perisa cendawan.. Yg ada perisa khinzir (lg sopan) n ayam.. Tp aku x putus asa.. So aku tgk bahagian belakang perisa khinzir, alhamdulillah ada juga perisa cendawan.. I took 2 packets and straightly went to the cashier..

Then, masa nak bayar, baru perasan aku actually terambil 1 paket mi segera perisa khinzir.. Aku agak terbeliak di situ dan dgn segera mengalihkan produk itu.. Huhu

Yg peliknya, aku rasa aku dah tgk btul2 before ambil.. Seriously, mmg yakin aku ambil kedua2 nya perisa cendawan.. Huhu

Takpala.. Hidup mmg mcm ni.. Byk kejutan..

So, moral of the story, jgn makan mi segera, x sihat!! Haha....

(dulu x pandai makan benda2 cendawan, dtg Moscow barulah pandai makan cendawan..)

Till then..

-vilzan-

I should just...call...

2010-11-29T10:11:00.000+08:00

It was about 2 weeks ago.. I was planning to call someone.. It isn't something that I always do since I'm not much of a phone talker but I always want to do that so..

The moment was just perfect but I still didn't have the gut at that time and even up until this moment... I know if I made that call, it would go well because I'm not that too introvert.. I know what to say.. And I would gonna be the happiest person ever at that time since I've been waiting for this for so long..

However, my mind always pictures the worst outcome which is just crap..

Over-analysis leads to action paralysis..

I should go for it.. And now, I'm full of regret........

I could have made that call but I'm a coward..

Till when??

I don't know..

*sigh

(I miss that voice.. Huhh.. Never mind, I should stick with the sequence though.. )

-vilzan-

Insepsi or Inception??

2010-11-27T16:16:00.000+08:00

Pagi td tgk crita Inception.. Okla, aku agak lmbt la since crita ni kluar almost 5 months ago.. Tp at least dpt tgk free.. Huhu..

Serius, sgt best movie ni.. Aku suka movie2 mcm ni.. Complex, mystery, n gambaran yg lgsung x pernah tfikir.. Huhu.. Mula2 mcm x faham tp bila fikir dlm2 skit, barula faham.. Sgt puas hati..

So, sapa2 yg blum tgk, highly recommended.. Sumpah x menyesal...

(p/s: mau tgk lg la for the 2nd time.. Huhu.. Actually dah download since last month lg tp pg td baru berkesempatan untuk tgk.. )

Have a great Saturday everyone!!

-vilzan-

Location:Смольная ул.,Hotel Moskva,Russia

BooooHooo Cocky People!!

2010-11-26T07:37:00.003+08:00

huhh.. I'm staying up late again.. studying medicine is all about staying up, holding yourself from sleep and somehow it's an art to control your mental and produces significant required response to the body.. it's like battling and it could be much worse than that especially when you are against the temptation..

I'm taking a break and still there's a lot more to cover.. That sounds depressing.. Never mind because you won't go anywhere if you don't do smart thing..

Something popped out in my mind.. I bet you guys do realise about it too that these days, more and more people are just too cocky and brave to post stupid acts in the internet.. Like, lip-sync a song and dancing horribly which they term as joke or entertainment.. and maybe posing like you're the next top female model but the irony is you're a guy.. I wonder what's on their mind by putting those bras when there is nothing actually to cover other than just a flat and plain chest.. and there even this guy who has quite a bundle of adipose tissues (fats) on his chest and he presses it towards medial direction of the body, real hard just to make sure that he can form a sulcus (groove) to make a resemblance of a woman's tits.. That's so desperate.. and disgusting..

later, there will always be follow-up comments of harassment, criticism, teasing and generally they fall into one category- bad comments.. as a feedback response, all these so-called they-know-what-they-do people would post a commentary stating that they are just being themselves and they don't even give a shit on all those negative comments because they know what they are doing and they just don't care.. full stop..

this is the trend.. they're acting stupid, humiliating themselves, people give bad responses and then they come out with a statement that they just don't care !! if they don't really care, they won't upload it to the internet and even desperately trying to get some attention.. and the reason why there is always such a self-proud statement claiming that they're just being themselves is because they just don't have any idea what to say and I know they're actually trying to show that they're own their own class and somehow they might think that they have shown enough what is critical thinking..

For me, that just doesn't work.. I know they're pissed off and crying in heart.. and the reason they are posting such reason of self defense is just to make themselves feel better because they couldn't accept the fact that other people hate what they are doing..

in your point of view, it's gonna be fun.. it will be fun and some sort of slightly good thing if you make it private but since you're opting to share it and include other people, it turns out to be annoying...

so, BE SMART PEOPLE!! be professional no matter how unprofessional you are..

Billions of people

2010-11-25T04:57:00.004+08:00

I don't know the exact total number of human on Earth today but one thing that I can be sure of is that human population is just getting more and more, day by day, even though abortion cases are on the rise.. It's on the news everyday.. Today, we see a premature, dead body inside the trash bin and tomorrow we see another one floating on the river like a raft, breathless.. The condition is getting serious and most minds have been triggered to a certain degree of awareness but only few actions are executed.. For how long would it remain in this rhythm??.. I'm not a psychic but judging from the surface glance on today's revolutionary in the gradual alteration of social lifestyle especially of the Eastern culture, specifically in Malaysia, we are still far away behind or should I say the sign of solution is still blur?? Or to say the worst case, this is just the beginning, and it's unstoppable..

I sound a little bit serious and intellectual with the above paragraph emerge as an introduction but somehow it's just my two cents of opinion.. Cheers~~ It still doesn't change the fact that I'm still on my journey to find the real me and trying to bring out the best of myself..

Yesterday was a day of struggle and I learnt that mastering peripheral nervous system in 6 hours was just impossible for a person whose mind is just not into memorization... However, I still be grateful though because I manage to pass the test.. I've seen that my way of admittance towards any marks that I got for any tests or examination slowly changes as I am transiting from high school to college and last but not least to university.. I've been sort of more lenient these days instead of the fussiness and ambitiousness that I used to have before in pursuing top marks.. I don't know whether it's a good or bad sign but I'm kinda missing my old days by the way.. And to be honest, I'm still trying to develop a heart for this road that I blatantly chose few years ago.. Ohh, I better stop.. Regret is just useless at this point..

After the Anatomy class finished yesterday, my head was just so concentrated and I just couldn't absorb more information and material.. Hence, I skipped the lecture and heading home straightly, aiming to get some rest and sleep was the best option.. It took almost an hour to reach home and the major problem was when I took a damaged bus and it was only after almost 15 minutes later that the driver asked all the passengers to exit from the bus and took other buses instead.. What a waste of time.. Then, once I arrived home, after performing all the necessary things to do, I jumped on bed and trying to sleep..

If I mention trying, you know exactly what I mean.. I've drown myself in a sea of complex thinking first before I could finally out from the world for a while.. It's hard to be a chronic over-analyzer as this is kind of inevitable routine.. So, what have I been through in that process of drowning? My vocabularies couldn't express them all in words since I'm still lack most of the necessary words to use, so I just wanna give the summary.. Everyone knows it.. Each individual is actually a dictionary, with their own view and perception hold the meaning. Certain words are lengthy to define for some people while some could translate it in just a single word.. Plus, some big deals could be just small matter for some people and vice versa.. There are billions of people in the world, it means billions of hearts and billion of minds.. Angles of view could be numerous and list of perceptions are just uncountable and infinity..

Sometimes we could agree with other people and sometimes we find it hard..

For some, abortion is nothing but a mere way to get rid of getting a child but others see it as violence.. And the list of example still goes long way down.. You just name it..

Human population is a complex creation.. And it will remain multiplex until the end of the world..

Till then..

Salam..

Leaving...

2010-11-21T23:49:00.002+08:00

Somebody is leaving today... may Allah bless your journey... amin...

TARA and disappointment..

2010-11-20T05:18:00.003+08:00

Salam.. so it's weekend again.,. Yeah!!

I've just finished watching the latest episode of the The Amazing Race Asia (TARA) Season 4.. huhu.. Thank God, torrent is always there for me.. And million of thanks to the very kind and generous uploader because without your good deed (from my own perception), I won't be able to watch it.. huhu

Every episode of TARA always get me captivated.. I enjoy the thrill and excitement while watching it.. And of course, I'm rooting for Malaysian teams!!

Since from the first season, Malaysian participants have proven that they are the perfect selection for the race where they give a good competition to the other teams from other Asian countries.. In all the previous 3 seasons of the race, there must be at least one Malaysian team to land in the final and stealing up the top 3 spot in the race around the world.. and of course, the remarkable victory was during the 1st season of the show where Zabrina & Joe Jer unexpectedly won the race and grabbed the 100000 USD prize.. since then, there wasn't any Malaysian team winning but they always took the top 3.. For the 2nd season, Vanessa and Pamela finished 2nd whereas for the 3rd season, Ida Nerina's team landed on third..

As the season progressed, we could see the declining performance of the Malaysian teams.. And it's totally proportional up until the latest season..

The latest episode revealed the elimination of the last Malaysian team on the race - Ethan and Khairie.. They finished last and when they stepped on the mat, I really hope that Allan Wu would announce that it was a non-elimination round.. Unfortunately, thing didn't work that way... And I'm just so disappointed.. I mean, how will I continue to watch the race with no more Malaysia team to support??? Never mind, I will just go on and I just wanna know the winner.. That's all..

This episode really left me with an impression that if God wants it to happen that way, there's nothing we can do to change it.. Ah'hah, the term is Qada' and Qadar in Islam.. It means that every single thing that happens in the world is subjected to Allah's will.. At the beginning of the leg, Ethan and Khairie were once leading and ahead of the other teams.. However, they made the wrong decision by choosing the wrong task for detour which cost them a lot of precious time which enabled other teams to over take...

Hmm, never mind, there must be reasons beyond everything.. Because God knows best.. :)

So, it's gonna be no Malaysian team for the final leg of this season's race..

You know what guys, joining TARA is one of my dream and I wanna join the race so bad!! I just wanna feel the experience because I love challenges!! and travelling of course..

ok guys.. till then.. have a great weekend!!

(p/s: Duhh, both the Philippines's teams are strong..)

Selamat Hari Raya Aidiladha

2010-11-16T01:32:00.002+08:00

Assalamulaikum w.b.t

Selamat hari raya Aidiladha kepada semua umat Islam yang akan menyambutnya pada hari esok.. I was informed that Eid al-Adha in Malaysia will be a day later than here in Russia..

sedih jg dgr takbir ni.. sebak rasa hati.. :'(

okay.. enjoy ur raya everyone.. cheers!!

Salam Perantauan

=.='

2010-11-15T06:53:00.004+08:00

It's almost 2am and I'm still right on my stage, still awake and suddenly I begin to reminisce the old days when I was just half of my short height right now.. at that time, sleeping early was a daily process and sleeping late was just magic if it was done.. that was about 10 years ago and things are really different today where going early to bed is a slim chance to get due to the loads which are just as good as climbing the hill as the days passed.... staying up somehow is obligatory or should I say a must especially if you are now studying one of the most critical and toughest field in the world... it goes without saying that it's medicine.. huhu.. I'm sick of saying this over and over again.. huhu

It feels magic that it's already the mid of November.. time flies faster these days and I just don't have any idea about that.. well, generally for sure, 'why' has always been the hardest question to answer... and why time files faster these days? you gotta ask somebody else...

hmm... what else to mumble? o yeah, it's Monday so it's time to get back to work again.. I hate weekdays by the way.. I just don't like to put aside the felling of comfort and instead replace it with stress and anxiousness to struggle on study.. huhh... I'm so into ranting right now and that explains this post..

what else?? o, one more thing.. I've been saying about over-analyzing in one of the previous posts, so I just wanna give you guys an idea what it is actually like...

The situation is easy..

It's like you're hoping that this one particular person would say that she/he loves you..

If he/she doesn't say it, you will feel upset and sad..

BUT

If he/she says it, you will still feel sad.. Why?? Because you OVER-ANALYZE it.. You don't think that they really mean it. You believe that there must be something hidden beyond it even though they are expressing it with the greatest honesty... OVER-ANALYZING is all about over imagining about something and often it tends to be the worse picture instead of a positive ken of it...

Seems interesting huhh??

Okla... I think I better go to sleep now.. It's 2.10 am and I'm gonna have class at 11am... huhu

Till then.. Hmm, Eid al-Adha will be tomorrow.. Hmm, never mind, I gotta wish it tomorrow..

okay

Salam.. :)

Of hugs and shaking hand...

2010-11-10T04:07:00.004+08:00

Oh Lord, please give me strength..

I got no mood at all to study anatomy for tomorrow's test... Urgghhh, regret always comes after bad decision and action...

By the way, I'm getting more melancholic these days.. I don't know why but I guess I always am.. I remember during Russian class last Friday where I talked about myself being too over-analyzing during weekends and I preferred just to lie on bed.. It's a light depression I guess but never mind, I can get over it even though it demands whole lots of energy consumption.. I need a counsellor or maybe seeking for therapy because from day to day, it grows and grows and begin to affect some crucial point of my life...

And another point, I suddenly feel guilty to someone for giving a false hope which I never intended to do but things always happened when they want to.. Simply unstoppable.. I should fix thing back because I don't like what I feel right now.. and it's haunting... huhu

These few days, I've been thinking about some small things and after much dissections, I treasure the value of them.. For example, in our culture, specifically the Malays and Muslim, shaking hand and be followed with a kiss on hand is a regular or somewhat custom.. However, for me, it means a lot more, rather than just a culture to practice.. I realise that it's all about respect and admiration.. I respect the older one, teachers and most importantly, my parents.. I admire those people whose hands I shake and be followed with a simple and gentle kiss (I think the word is not kiss.. duhh, I should do more research on words).. So, if you're among those people who have got it from me, I really mean them.. Sincerely, not fake!!

And the second one is tender embrace or hug.. Sometimes it's obligatory and sometimes it's not.. Whatever the point is, it's more than a symbol of affection.. For some people, it means more than just the common definition of it.. I am in this group of people.. It means a lot more but it depends on everyone's perception..

And now, I feel like hugging some specific people so tight now.. I just wanna be calm because these days, I get anxious easily.. Too bad, they are just far away... Of course, they mean a lot to me.. I got them all during the holiday break last June - August.. I miss the embrace I received from my parents where I can feel how they really love me as a child.. I miss the embrace I received from my siblings where I can feel that I'm just so happy to be loved as a brother.. I miss the embrace I received from my abang angkat where I can feel his desire for me to be a better person in the future.. I miss the embrace from my best friends where we can feel how grateful we are to God for the rewards of knowing each other and we never want it to break..

All in all, I miss you all..

Ok, gotta study..

Till then..

I wanna play guitar or piano!!

2010-11-07T22:09:00.003+08:00

I always see people playing piano and strumming the guitar....

They are just full of passion.. I love the way how they blend passion, technique, skill and emotion together in a jar, and they are just full with it, totally enjoying themselves and the feeling is unexplained..

When the rhythm goes in the air, perfectly in order, I can feel the gratification that they finally manage to claim and they just want some more..

That's the feel that I really wanna feel.. How I wish I could learn them properly.. I sometimes imagine myself playing them in front of the crowd, with a spotlight falls onto me, and sing the song that I create by my own.. And in the end, standing ovation is all I got..

That's just a dream though..

huhu..

But still, they remain in my wishlist.. Who knows someday I will make it? Even though the opportunity is extremely slim, taking into account of my increasing age and other surrounding factors..

Never mind, if I got child one day, I will send them to piano lesson or guitar.. At least, they do it on behalf of me.. And I wanna be the first person to stand up soon after he/she finishes his/her performance as what I imagine before..

At least, I knew, my gene is there, on the stage..

Haha..

O yeah, do I look like a guitarist??

haha.. hmm.. I guess... that's my brother's guitar.. How I wish I can master it..

Ok.. Till then..

Sabtu..

2010-11-06T07:04:00.001+08:00

Hari ini hari sabtu.. Sy suka hari sabtu.. X stress.. Bebas.. Full day to relax.. Sgt seronok..

Huhu...

O yeah, adakah kejam kalau kita x mahu layan sum1 even though dorg x wat any wrong doings??

Xtaula.. Mybe aku yg demand kot..lantaklah..

-vilzan-

Hmmmmmm

2010-10-31T06:21:00.000+08:00

There's nothing wrong.. It'll be okay.. Don't think too much..

-vilzan-

--------------------------

2010-10-30T20:05:00.000+08:00

DEPRESSED..

technology

2010-10-25T04:12:00.000+08:00

i miss the moment when technology is not as advance as it is nowadays..

Sekadar bicara..

2010-10-25T00:48:00.000+08:00

Sangat sakit apabila kita cuba berharap sesuatu yang tidak mungkin akan terjadi.. Kadang2 kita jadi terlalu sensitif sehinggakan kita menganalisis setiap perkara, walaupun sekecil zarah cuma..

Minda kita sentiasa berkata bahawa petunjuk itu sudah ada namun tidak pernah kita sedar bahawa itu semua hanyalah permainan ciptaan minda akibat adunan harapan dan manipulasi pemikiran yang kurang sempurna..

Hanya apabila kita sedar akan kenyataan, barulah kita mula berasa sakit.. Sakit yang timbul bukannya sekecil gigitan semut api tetapi lebih parah dari itu..

Teringat lagu Berhenti Berharap, nyanyian kumpulan Sheila On 7.. Sememangnya cukup sakit mengharap sesuatu yang tidak pasti..

Mungkin, langkah terbaik adalah melupakan.. Tetapi melupakan itu lebih sukar.. Proses yang amat kompleks dan memakan masa..

Tiada yang mudah.. Itu konklusinya..

Mungkin berhenti berharap adalah satu2nya langkah yang perlu.. Ataupun, mungkin mengorak langkah ke belakang..

Tapi, yang terbaik adalah untuk tidak memulakan sesuatu.. Mudah dan senang, tiada apa yang perlu difikirkan..

Orang selalu berkata, 'tiada kejayaan tanpa benih cita2 dan mimpi serta impian'.. Ada benarnya.. Tapi bukan semua benda boleh dikaitkan.. Ada benda yang langsung tidak akan relevan .. Apa?? Fikirkan sendiri..

Saat orang lain memandang ke hadapan, kita cuba melangkah ke arah lain, mencari jalan keluar yang berbeza kerana kita ingin menjadi satu2nya pengecualian..

Namun, kita tidak akan pernah mampu membaca pemikiran seseorang.. Ada kemungkinan, kita melakukan sesuatu yang BODOH!! Ya, sangat bodoh..

Bila kita sudah sedar dari buaian angan2, barulah kita mula mendongak langit, melihat kaki, dan sedar bahawa kita harus berpijak di bumi yang nyata..

Saat kita melihat orang lain melalui hidup mereka, kadang2 kita cuba membandingkan dengan diri sendiri..sehinggalah suatu tahap, kita akan mula berfikir bahawa kita sedang berseorangan..

Teman, keluarga dan pihak2 yang berkenaan, mesti ada yang akan cuba untuk bersama dengan kita dan gagah menyokong..

Namun, benda kompleks kadang2 hanya mampu dipikul oleh bahu sendiri...

-vilzan-

Location:Кронштадтский бул.,Moscow,Russia

the sudden thought...

2010-10-11T02:47:00.003+08:00

Salam..

I feel very elated today... I don't know why but I really mean it..

I just saw one's pics.. I could see how wide the smile is.. And it brought you happiness.. You could see sincerity in both of the eyes..

And then you suddenly realized that you've met that person in person.... And how that person has been some important part of your life besides your family and best friends...

Just magic..

Nothing much..

Just that, I miss someone..

okla.. till then..

(p/s: some people are suitable to be our friend but not our perfect fit... even how hard we are pair-matched by others, we are the only person who knows exactly what our heart tells us.. )

the correct word to summarize them all..

2010-10-03T19:45:00.002+08:00

Assalamualaikum w.b.t

It's 3.45pm and it's a fine Sunday afternoon.. The outside temperature is pretty cold.. Less degree of heat.. That's why it's just 7 degree Celcius right now.. Thus, any thought about going out today is quickly terminated.. Huhu...

As usual, it's Sunday and it's time to have a well rest.. Life is getting hectic.. Tests and colloquiums come non-stop and I gotta struggle for them..

I'm trying to back off from something right now.. It's just temporary, not permanent.. I try to make thing more appreciable and memorable.. Constant visibility will hit up level of boredom in a split second, so that's why I prefer everything to be idle for some time .. By then, the fun will be continuous..

The exact point for this post is I wanna reveal a discovery that I've just made.. I just realized that almost most of my previous posts were all about how complex-thinking-driven I am.. I just found the perfect word to summarize everything..

It's OVER-ANALYZE!!

Yes, all the messes that I've been going through were actually associated with this kind of behavior - OVER-ANALYZING..

from time to time, I will explain what's this kind of thinking demeanor is all about..

the exact first hint to reveal is- it could be MINOR or MAJOR mental problem...

till then..

salam...

....

2010-09-30T15:20:00.003+08:00

assalamualaikum w.b.t

sometimes we are blinded by the community's perception... I think it's not sometimes but almost most of the time.. hmmm.. sometimes we are just too afraid to take risk... and for that. we just simply pick what's available around instead of pursuing something which we really wanna be but it's not around us..

it's been the 2nd year and I'm still full of regret.. AM I choosing the wrong pathway?? Probably, I am.. and I should have been thinking about this sometimes ago before I applied to go here but immaturity took my mind in control..

my heart is still isn't here... I just couldn't find my passion here... I don't know what I'm doing or even studying right now and they don't even have any chemistry with my mind and soul...

I browsed through the medical book book I'm holding right now and I just can't focus into it.. I don't love this...

And as I was browsing through the net, I accidentally arrived at this site - Malaysian Communications and Multimedia Commission.. and I could feel something when I browsed through the whole site..

I envy those who are willing to take the risk to go for what they want.. Like a close friend of mine, Nelisa Amera.. She has her own focus and now she is just a step away from learning the knowledge that she is craving to learn.......

To put me on ease every time I begin to think about this, I always 'slap' myself with this verse:

’ Fighting is ordained for you, much as you dislike it. But you may hate a thing although it is good for you, and love a thing although it is bad for you. God knows, but you do not know.” (2:216)

Everything happens for reasons..

And Allah knows what's the best for us.. I remember the story of my Ustazah back then when I was in Form 1.. When she was a teenage-student, she really hoped that she could study in MRSM but she never managed to.. Time flew by until one day, she received an offer letter to teach in MRSM.. She told us, Allah might give what you want, but maybe in a different form...

It was 6 years ago....

And now, I should just go on.. Hoping for miracle?? Only when the pigs fly....

Till then...

(counting days....)

Salam..

Neutral.. Life..

2010-09-28T04:16:00.000+08:00

The happiest thing that could ever happen to you will always be associated with the saddest thing ahead.. And vice versa.. Life is all about neutrality.. :)

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPod

different person

2010-09-24T22:46:00.002+08:00

Assalamualaikum w.b.t..

24 September... tarikh yang ada sejarahnya.. genaplah setahun yang lalu aku menjejakkan kaki di atas bumi Rusia ini... mmg x sedar that it has been a year... rasa mcm baru sebulan berada di kota Tsar ini.. namun hakikatnya, it has been a YEAR.. complete one year... and just now pun tjumpa ngan junior2 MARA 1st year, so it's like a sudden and automatic flashback la... x sangka pula aku dah 2nd year skrg ni... dah jadi senior... walaupun physically, aku masih kelihatan seperti junior.. rasanya smp 6th year pun aku akan always look like junior.. huhu.. masih teringat masa mula2 sampai Moscow dulu.. everything seemed new.. what a different surrounding... masih x mampu menahan ancaman kesejukan autumn with average of 10 degree.. but now 10 degree celcius tu dah mcm normal and biasa... well, it means aku dah boleh adapt la.. huhu...

ok, done with the intro.. huhu

xda apa pun nak post actually... just wanna share something yg bagi aku agak menarik... hari ni sembang la ngan member2 masa kelas Physiology... tajuk perbincangan pasal Facebook and status2 yang selalu di'update'.. then sembang2 suddenly masuk pula pasal status2 Facebook aku... hahahaha...

tapi kata2 yang paling melekat kat otak is this..

"VILZAN IS A DIFFERENT PERSON IN FACEBOOK"..

that time, aku just mampu tergelak kecil... haha... tapi after habis class on the way back home td, benda ni suddenly bermain2 kat otak.. N aku begin to twist and twist and twist again.. in the end, aku sampai ke soalan terakhir - "Am I??'

actually, aku pun not sure whether it's a correct statement.. tapi aku rasa, aku adalah orang yang sama whether in real life or facebook... yup, status aku kinda emo2, sometimes to jiwang2 n merepek pasal benda2 remeh... haha... tapi seriously, they were all about my own opinion and apa yg aku rasa... maybe aku x pandai sgt express anything yg aku rasa dalam hati or what in real life so that's y aku prefer express it in Facebook.. well, kan kat FB tu dah tulis "What's In Your Mind?'.. huhu.. so aku tulis je la.. plus, I think I'm better with words and writing rather than speech...

maybe one more apa yang aku post kat FB doesn't really show who I am .. because in real life, aku nampak mcm cool and tenang tp otak aku sebenarnya serabut... huhu... and one more, physically aku nampak mcm kanak2 (no offence to myself) and benda2 yang aku selalu express tak proportional dgn physical character aku..

actually, I'm just the same person... semua yg aku tulis, taip n cakap datang dari diri aku sendiri.. huhu... and it is also a way so that aku mampu rasa tenang n lega....

hmm,.. till then,,,,

salam.. ^^

(p/s: step away from something..............)

Updated - Recent fact that I'm struggling on

2010-09-20T15:42:00.002+08:00

Hello readers..

It has been so long since we met... The latest post updated from my iPod touch wasn't really assumed as a valid post because I guess that was just kind of a testing post.. huhu...

So, what's up now?? I'm already in Moscow Russia now and summer holiday has long ended about 3 weeks ago.. And it almost 1 month I've been here as a 2nd Year medical student of First Moscow State Medical University... Life has been pretty good recently even though it was a bit shaky at the beginning with big and small problems came after one another, non-stop.. Gratefully, everything has just turned to normal and I'm kind of in attempt to enjoy my life right now.. I'm no longer staying in Pushkin hostel and now I'm staying 30 km far from it, in a small apartment with another 5 colleagues.. And yesterday was such a great day as we managed to hold an 'Open House' in conjunction with Raya celebration.. Thank you very much whoever came yesterday.. We had so much fun to entertain and serve all of you and we hope you enjoyed it too..

Many people asked me, how's my raya?? I would conclude that this year's Raya was not that bad after all.. Of course, it will be more memorable and enjoyable celebrating it in our home land, with our family... But this year, I just realised that I have my own family here too - FRIENDS.. we've been living together for almost 1 year and we've been such strong compatriots here in this foreign country of Russia.. the bond is so tight and somehow we grow together as a family... Only 1 year has passed, how about another 5 more years??? huhu.. and this year's raya was definitely different from previous years..... still, the taste of rendang, ketupat, you name it was still achievable.. Thanks to Embassy's staffs... Perhaps, this is my only raya in 'Perantauan' I guess because when I looked through the calendar, the upcoming Eid Celebration will fall during our summer holiday.. yeah!! and there were certain things that really made up my Raya even though they were just small and simple but they meant a lot to me.. At least, I knew for sure I was loved, even just a bit... I was totally grateful with it even though deep inside my heart, I wanted more... 'Thank you so much'.. but still, I'm in doubt..

so where I am right now??? I am now sitting on this big couch in my room, updating this blog.. I have Medical Care class right now but for some reasons, I skip it even though I've been kind of so passionate to go and come to this class since from last night before I went to bed.. But this morning, the passion was lost.. I was dragged into complexity again this morning.. I've been thinking too hard and in the end my whole feeling was tremendously mixed.. My head felt so heavy for like suddenly.. It wasn't painful.. It was just like something pushed it and I allowed it just like that.. You know guys, listen, I've been struggling with some memories and certain things right now and I wish I could forget it.. But it's so hard... I admit that they affect my focus and concentration in class.. I couldn't see what I am up to now... The only way so that I can get better is to be alone.... and I'm all alone now.. and I feel much better......

I've been so manipulative recently... And it kills........

And if you ask me, "Are you okay?".. I would reply "Yes, doing great/Okay/Good.. so on".. but deep inside, I'm not okay... no matter how people try to understand who we are, when they achieve this point where they don't know what to do, they will leave us just like that and it will be even more painful so to avoid that, telling the opposite one will be the best thing...... I believe that no one is really there to listen and care to the very best they can...

and in the end, everything is back to us...

ohoo, I'm missing Malaysia so much right now.. I miss my family, my brother, my friends, colleagues and so on... I miss the feeling of being home and damn it, I have to wait for another 9 months... It feels so long but I believe that in June next year, it will feel just like a blink...

okay, got to go,, damn, my nose is bleeding again...

(p/s: when you think that something hasn't ended yet, it probably is..... your instinct knows more..)

ok..

till then ^^

Salam..

Testing..

2010-09-04T15:22:00.000+08:00

Hello guys!! This is just a test post.. I've just downloaded a new application designed for Blogspot where I can write and publish a post through my iPod and it means I can update this blog easily (hopefully)..

Cheers you all!!!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPod

Location:Кронштадтский бул.,Moscow,Russia

Entah apa2..

2010-07-18T23:41:00.002+08:00

Assalamualaikum w.b.t

Alhamdulillah, masih bernafas seadanya berkat kasih sayang dan limpah rahmat Allah..

sudah agak lama tidak meng'update' blog.. kalau kesibukan mahu dijadikan alasan, itu hanya dusta.. kalau asyik duduk terperuk di rumah, takkan nak dipanggil sibuk..hahaha.. mungkin lebih kerana kekurangan idea...ataupun tiada bahan yang menarik untuk dikongsi.. maklumlah, aku bukan artis.. plot hidup agak boring so siapa nak baca even kalo dijadikan novel sekalipun?? kan3..

hehe

btw, sekarang ni aku tengah bercuti di Malaysia atau secara spesifiknya di bandar Sandakan... bandar yang digelar 'The Nature City'.. tiba2 teringat tentang topik perbualan dengan Mr. Nik tempoh hari.. kenapalah negeri Sabah x hantar proposal untuk dinilai to be categorized as bandar Lestari??? maybe Sandakan boleh masuk final.. haha.. walaupun xda apa yg menarik sangat dgn bandar ini.. but the development is quite good according to my own judgement la.. based from what I see.. xtaula kalo dari kaca mata professional..

ok, back to the story.. actually, aku tersangatlah bercuti skrg ni.. sampai boleh dikatakan IDLE.. huhh.. idle.. siapa2 yg selalu guna YM, taulah apa maksud tu..huhu.. tiada apa perkara highlight yang aku buat this holiday other than staying home and spending most of my time here.. so, aku lebih kepada me'relaxkan' diri... hahaha... free....

kalau nak pg vacation, xtau nak pg mana and with who.. lagipun nnt nak kena spend duit so better aku saving beli lens baru or handphone baru.. haha... good one.. tapi alhamdulillah, since the 1st day smp Malaysia, semua makanan yg aku nak makan dah terhadam dalam perut... it's kinda weird sebab masa kat Moscow, memang mengidam habis mengalahkan org mengandung.. tapi bila dah sampai, dah rasa sekali lepas tu dah jemu dah... dasar manusia tak bersyukur.. haha...

seriously, aku makan banyak sangat this holz... then suddenly aku takut kepada kegemukan.. something yg aku tak pernah takut before this sebab aku kan ada high metabolism.. tapi bila tengok muka dah tembam and ada gumpalan lemak btw leher and dagu, aku jadi risau.. haha.. so, nak diet tu ada juga trfikir.. but temptation nak makan tu is unavoidable.. hahaha.. xpa, balik Moscow nanti aku kuruslah semula...

hmm.. what else... o yeah,.. one thing lg... this holiday ni, aku terlalu melayan perasaan.. suka fikir lebih2 n paranoid.... xtaula kenapa.. like, when people x reply mesej aku, boleh2 aku fikir aku DIBENCI?? or aku nak kena avoid... entah apa2 fikiran aku... tapi everytime aku nak jadi optimis semula, mcm ada kuasa yg igtkan aku and arise this question' "MCM MANA KALO BETUL??"... arghhh... itu yang sumtimes wat aku emo and over-thinking... hahahahah... seksa juga nak melayan hati, perasaan dan kerenah minda... that's y status FB and twitter aku sometimes mcm penuh emosi... nama LELAKI, tp sensitif... huhuhuhu.. genetik kot.. hahaha... bukan BAPOK, ok??? hahaha...

okla, xtau nak tulis apa lagi...

bacalah... ahha

till then,. daa

p/s: lagi 44 hari to go back to Moscow!!!!! feeling?? no comment..

killed...

2010-06-28T23:38:00.002+08:00

Assalamualaikum reader..

I feel so grateful to Allah that I'm already here in Malaysia, specifically in my hometown, being together with lovely family and people around me..

This should be a good thing and I should be happy for that..

But there are certain things that won't let me go on with rejoice and enjoying this holiday as much as it should be.. Something is clogged within me and I'm totally suffocate..

I feel so dumb, stupid, damn, betrayed, cheated etc but the only conclusion I can make is I am under great pressure.. I'm emotionally hurted and disturbed.. I just can't let myself be free..

I feel so inactive right now and my mind keeps flying to some places which add salt to the wound..

I hope I can be more patient about this but sometimes I will be so complex and I just can't forget about it....

Dear Lord, please give me strength to endure this..

kira2 dan countdown..

2010-06-11T04:36:00.002+08:00

Assalamualaikum w.b.t..

Alhamdulillah, still be able to breath.. Still have my sense working normally..

11 days to go to leave Moscow and heading for MALAYSIA.. It's just unbelievable.. But the fact is, the nearer it is, the more excited you will be but the sensation somehow creates a drawback feel.. it's just 11 days but I feel like it takes a lifetime..

Maybe this is because of my constant thought of going back.. the excitement couldn't hinder me from thinking about other things (although I have two more exams.. HUHH)..

Still got two more subjects for exam :

Physics - Tomorrow (11/6)

General Chemistry - 19/6

And right now, I'm currently busy with all those biophysics thingy and to set me on the line perfectly and neglecting sleep, I consume caffeine.. At least, it boosts my body's activity.. Hence, keeps me awake..

Still got lot more to revise and cover.. And the examination will commence in about 11 hours from now..

So, it's just between do or die now..

ok.. I'll strive for the best..

whatever happen, there must be reason for that..

ok.. take care you all..

till my next post~~

dilema IPhone.. :)

2010-06-08T14:42:00.003+08:00

Assalamualaikum w.b.t..

Just now, I watched this video.. Click this link --->>> Iphone 4

so, it's about IPhone 4, the latest technology developed by Apple.. so automatically, it's going to steal the limelight from IPhone 3GS..

The new iPhone 4 contains more added features which are absent in 3GS version like front camera, 5mp camera resolution, increased speed, longer battery lifetime and the rest can be seen on the link given..

So, what the heck with that??

The video seems mesmerized me and I set a new wish --->>>> I'm gonna arrest you iPhone 4.. the question is just when will I be going to get it???

So, it's time for budget plan again..

so cool!!

As for the time being, it's better if I make use of my iPod Touch.. still awesome what??

the gadget which makes me company at dull and boring time..

Okay, till my next post.. Take care you all :)

Status: Waiting for an answer.. It's between yes or no.. Dub dab, dub dab.. THRILLING!!

The waiting for something outrageous..

2010-06-08T03:45:00.004+08:00

Assalamualaikum w.b.t..

I know the title of the post is a bit over or something that you never expect.. Ahha.. Just wanna try something new though..

So, what the hell with that?

Well, since the very first time I saw the Varabyovy Gory park which is located by the Moscow river, I had made a wish that before I'm going back to Malaysia this summer, I must step my feet at least once here..

And finally, last Friday the dream came true.. After a delay of 9 months, the footstep made it way.. And there went my excitement at the very top limit.. Heading there alone, I waited for my colleagues - Ain, Ria and Fatin who made their way from Kievskaya Mall, after spending their quality time for ice-skating.. Unfortunately, I missed it due to some minor barrier but I just took it as 'It's okay'..

Rain and shine came after one another and that spoiled the day a little bit, at first.. But towards the end, we didn't care about it anymore.. We just wanna enjoy!!!

Rollerblading and cycling~~ GREAT!!

so here are some snapshots...

next time -->> Cruise!!

beautiful.. but some rubbishes might distract..

the metro station of Varavyovy Gory..

cool!

when rain was pouring like mad.. took some rest after almost 2 km ride..

long time didn't cycling..

the three power puff girls (kalo nak amik gambar, seriously pose mantoppp!!)

the four of us.. future graduates of 2015..

Exam oh exam..

2010-06-02T19:00:00.003+08:00

Assalamualaikum w.b.t..

Salam blogger..

It's already June and it means that this is gonna be my final month as a 1st year student, here in the big city of Moscow.. I was just too excited because it has been a long waiting for June to arrive.. And finally it's here ..

However, for every sweetness, there must be bitterness.. And yes, it is.. It's the 2nd of June and in about 20 days from now on, I'll be heading back to Malaysia.. But the 20 days might not be a honeymoon days for me because I have to muster, buff up and summon up all of my efforts to the maximum.. YEAH, it's not gonna be easy.. I have to endure in these very last days in Moscow for examination.. Oh, this is the negative part and I totally don't like it..

I know it's compulsory but still it doesn't change my hatred towards examination.. Plus, since I'm in Moscow, it's gonna be oral exam and that puts the knife deeper.. The 1st battle will be tomorrow, fighting with Biology.. I know that I'm gonna be a doctor but Biology is in my bottom list.. Memorizing whole lots of facts is not just my thing.. I feel like bombing my own brain if I could but fortunately I'm still sensible.. The exam is gonna be tomorrow but seriously, if somebody gives me a Preparation-Meter right at this second, it's not even going to reach 25%..

I try to concentrate and focus but my brain doesn't have the stamina..

ARGGHHH..

There's no use to barf up everything here because nothing would change though.. All I can say, good luck to myself and don't stress up yourself too much.. You can do it and remember this is part of the challenge.. And it has just started.. Allah will never test us with something than we can't overcome..

I know I can.. it's just that I'm among those lazy bunches of people....

Okay, till my next post.. :)

May God bless you All..

bertambah satu lagi..

2010-05-18T01:30:00.002+08:00

Assalamualaikum w.b.t..

Rasa pantas masa berlalu.. Sudah hampir sebulan aku gagal menulis entri2 baharu untuk blog ini.. Bukan apa, cuma kekurangan idea dan waktu yang menjadi kekangan.. Namun, jika ada kesempatan, tidak akan aku lepaskan peluang2 yang ada untuk mengemas kini blog ini..

Tiada yang menarik untuk dicoretkan.. Cuma pada hari ini, bertambah lagi umurku.. Setelah genap setahun umurku yang ke-18, kini masanya untuk melalui fasa ke-19 dalam hidup.. Aku masih agak terkejut.. Hebat masa berlari.. Tahun depan, dah 20 tahun..

Entah mengapa tetapi semua ini seola-olah magic.. Malam semalam, aku seakan-akan keliu dan tidak percaya.. Seolah-olah aku belum bersedia.. Belum bersedia untuk menjadi dewasa.. Aku masih merasakan diri ini masih sebagai seorang kanak2 mahupun remaja.. Jauh sekali untuk aku berfikir akan kenyataan ini yang aku sudah boleh dilabel matang.. Secara kuantitatif mengikut perkiraan umur, 18 tahun dan ke atas merupakan usia matang.. Namun, aku masih belum bersedia untuk menjadi sebahagian drpd orang dewasa.. Bukan sahaja secara mental, bahkan juga fizikal..

Mood : Masih keliru..

Btw, terima kasih kepada semua rakan2 mahupun individu yang dah wish.. Really appreciate it.. Hanya Allah yang mampu membalasNya.. Terima kasih juga kepada rakan2 seperjuangan di kota Moscow ini khususnya pelajar 1st Year tajaan MARA atas jamuan mengejut semalam.. Seriously, memang langsung x rasa sedih even xda org yg nak wish.. Because I know all of you will wish me.. Well, FB..

Semakin bertambah usia, semakin bertambah cabaran, semakin bertambah tanggungjawab, dan semakin dekat dengan ajal..

WIsh me luck for this 19th phase of life..

p/s: exam is around the corner.. wish me luck.. :)

Idiots

2010-04-21T02:22:00.003+08:00

Assalamualaikum w.b.t

Hehe.. I don't know if you notice it or not but I've just posted a new post 2 days ago.. I know some of you might not believe it but I got the temporary passion to write.. Hence, this post.. So, do not expect that I might be consistent.. Life is all about up and down, like a tire or a wave.. And the same goes to my spirit to update this blog..

Okay2, done with the what so ever introduction..

Idiots? hehe.. The last post was named 'Stupid and Indirect Stupider'.. Stupid and idiot - they belong to the same classification, right? I think I'm not wrong if I make an assumption or maybe an absolute correct guess that if not one, at least 2 readers might have this question in their mind -"What the hell with this guy? Is he obsessed with stupidity?.. It sounds a little bit paranoid but that's life and most importantly, that's me so stop the judgement..

Look at this poster..

Hehe.. it's 3 idiots.. What is it then? Well, it's a Bollywood movie which has topped the movie-with-highest-grossing chart of all time in Bollywood's history.. I didn't really get the promotion or advertisement but because of my over-the-limit curiosity, I came into an unexpected discovery.. After I watched My Name is Khan, I was like excited and I predicted that it might be the best movie ever produced by Bollywood so I checked it up in Wikipedia.. And the findings gave me other result.. 3 Idiots ranks better.. So I continued with the so-called research but this time it focused on this movie.. Just a simple method - GOOGLE of course.. I read the synopsis and it sounds interesting.. Then I downloaded the movie through torrent (I love you.. You always offer me free movie) and decided to watch it to find out the magic of this movie..

And my comment - IT'S MAGIC AND MIRACLE..

I've watched this movie twice and the 3rd time will be soon as I've just uploaded it to my lovely Ipod Touch (ahakss...).. Okay, it's a Bollywood movie but don't expect the hero or heroin might rolling on the grass.. This is not a typical Indian's movie and that's why I called it superb.. When you watch this movie, laughter and tears will come right after one another throughout the whole progress.. You will cry or feel sad a lot, laugh a lot and the most important thing, YOU WILL LEARN A LOT!!

So, what's this movie is all about? I would say that it's about entertainment and lesson being mixed together.. I got two main messages from this movie..

1. Success - I learnt that we must not study to success but we must study for self-efficiency.. And only if you make full use of what you learn, then we don't need to search for success.. Success will come to you.. I wonder if this is fully practical but I guess it's gonna work.. Study is not about getting a good grade or racing to top the rank.. It's about personal satisfaction and passion.. Same as love.. You will only love a person that you love.. Even if somebody loves you more than anyone else but you don't love them, it remains that you're not gonna love him/her.. So, study what you really like or else life's not gonna be life..

2. Friendship - This is the strongest element that I personally can feel throughout the story.. I wonder if there is Rancho in real world who has 100% commitment in friendship.. I know, not all of us can be dedicated highly enough in friendship because personal matters do take part in our decision making especially if it involves other people even if they are our friend.. I wonder if there are people like him who can be so influential, yet a guide for his friends.. I do believe that they exist but maybe just at an amount of the fingertip of the world..

These lessons proceeded with self-correlation and I found out what's happening in me right now..

Study.. why did I study? For marks? For life? For who? I admit that I always study just for examination.. I study just to pass.. I study for good grade.. I don't study for life.. And I was so wrong.. Study should be dedicated for life, for a longer term and for application instead of writing lots of paragraph of facts and answering confidently to your teacher.. It's not about struggling just for a night, answer excellently at exam and the day after that everything is forgotten.. That's wrong.. But this is what we do today.. And that includes me.. So, lets get back to the basic, initiate our action with the real intention and we're on the right lane.. As for the Muslims, we must add one more.. We study for Allah s.w.t.. This is the most important thing.. InsyaAllah, we'll be at the guideline..

Friends - Am I a good friend? How many percentages that I dedicate for friendship? I discover that I'm not really a good friend.. I know that there are times that I can be so selfish that I exclude my friends.. There are friends that we befriend for laughter, entertainment, fame and name but how many of us are Rancho? Ask yourself.. And when I see myself now, I'm quite grateful to Allah for the bless given to me having such wonderful friends in my life.. They might not be as good as Rancho but at least they still wanna be my friend, give me advices, trying to prevent me from the false and share some secrets...

All in all, to those who haven't watch it, go and see it yourself..

HIGHLY RECOMMENDED..

till then..

daa~~

Stupid and indirect stupider??

2010-04-18T20:52:00.005+08:00

Assalamualaikum w.b.t

Alhamdulillah, I'm still breathing in this recently-unstable city of Moscow.. Why recently unstable? You google it and then you will know why.. What's your internet for if you can't even use it to search for simple news or update? LOL..

No one should remind me and they shouldn't at all about my disappearance from this blog for quite some time.. This is not the first time so you'll probably know why I haven't come with new post all this while.. You know why.. (Hint : Typical answer by bloggers)

There's nothing much to write.. Just wanna share some little piece of opinion..

I admit that today is so boring and I just don't have any basic idea to do something else rather than going online and FACEBOOKING.. I can't really clarify whether I'm an addict or not but Facebook is kinda a good company in times of loneliness or free time.. But to say the truth, I'm getting bored with this thing day by day eventhough when everytime I wake up or there is delay of rest when I struggle to study for tomorrow's exam ( well.. a sprinter), I still have the gut (or kind of obsession) to check my profile if there is new notification.. Okay, back to the fact that I say that I'm getting not so into facebook, is it acceptable? You decide..

By the way, I just became a fan of I Hate when smart people cry over getting under a 90 , SHUTUP!! I GOT 0 group in Facebook.. If you're really a facebooker, you could see that almost all of your friends have the tendency to be a fan of something no matter what type of profile it is..

"I hate when smart people cry over getting under a 90, SHUT UP!! I got 0" .. I really like this because it's alive.. I mean, it happens in our life especially students or anyone who's still live their life with exam as a big enemy.. LOL..

SO, lets play a role-playing game here..

I give you 2 characters..

A: An excellent student who is always get an excellent result in every examination with average marks of 90 (wow..)..

B: An average student who sometimes fail and the highest mark that he has ever received is 79..

So one day, after the result has been released, A gets 89 whereas B hits his prediction for just a 70..

Then A and B come into a conversation..

B: Hey A, what did you get? I bet it's an excellent mark..

A: Oh, don't ask me ass.. I got a bad mark..

B: What do you mean?

A: I got 89...

B: OMG, that's awesome... Congratulations..

A: Are you kidding me?? I feel so stupid right now.. It's an 89.. not 100.. I want at least 90.. but now, it's 89!! What a stupid student I am.. I hate it.. Oh no, where's the teacher,?? I gotta go to her right now.. There must be some mistakes... No3.. this can't be... Just one more mark.. Ok, I gotta go..

Then A leaves B... And B stands still, looking down at his paper with the big mark of 70 rounded with a red pen.. And A's statement comes across to his mind ..

"Are you kidding me?? I feel so stupid right now.. It's an 89.. not 100.. I want at least 90.. but now, it's 89!! What a stupid student I am.."

It comes over and over again without delay..

And he begins to whisper to himself..

B: If an 89 means stupid, so how about my 70??? It's stupider.. Yeah, I'm stupider.. And he tears flowing like a river from his eyes..

So, what's the message here?

We must realise that we are not the only person in this world.. We are not solo on Earth.. Before we say a thing, be sure to consider who is around you.. You might not have the intention but whatever it is, it still hurts.. Never say a thing from just one point of view because different people have different opinions.. When you say that you are stupid but in fact you get the highest mark in your batch, what the others might feel? Some of them can accept it by translating their mind to your point of view but some just couldn't do it.. They get touched easily.. They might not show it up physically but who knows what's gonna happen with their mental or self-esteem..

All in all, be neutral and never be proud.. Even if you don't achieve your targeted mark but still it's considered as excellent and you are among the top scorer, never ever express that you are STUPID, MORON or a FOOL to other people even if you feel that so.. Because it means something else and deeper for them..

Watch our words...

ok.. till then..

daa~~

Tragedy in Moscow - a reminder?

2010-03-30T04:01:00.005+08:00

Assalamualaikum w.b.t

Alhamdulillah, masih bernafas... Post kali ini mungkin agak kedengaran sempoi or informal.. Malas pulak nak control2 language..

So, what's up with Moscow?

Hmm, this is the list..

1. Moscow semakin panas..

2. Musim bunga telah tiba..

3. Sale dah habis.. ahakss..

but that's not the main thing.. kalo siapa2 yg berada di luar Russia, kalau anda tonton TV3, Awani or simply baca newspaper ruangan luar negara, you'll know what happen on 29th March 2009..

2 BLASTS ON MOSCOW UNDERGROUND METRO

sounds menakutkan.. but that's the fact.. fakta.. kenyataan.. tragedi yang berlaku almost 6 days yang lalu..

so, nak briefing sdikit, kejadian ni berlaku di 2 stesen yang terletak di Line Merah - stesen Lubyanka dan Park Kultury.. both of these stations are the interchange stations to go to another line... so, mmg ramai la yang akan guna stesen ni....

1st letupan berlaku di Stesen Lubyanka, pada pukul 7.56 am whereas the 2nd blast occurred at 8.40 am at Station Park kultury.. just look through at this metro map for a better understanding..

siapa yang buat? letupan ni dilakukan oleh 2 orang pengebom berani mati.. and mereka adalah wanita.. dipercayai kedua-dua pengebom berani mati ini berasal dari Utara Caucasus, sebuah tanah jajahan Rusia yang terletak di bahagian utara dan merupakan janda akibat kematian suami yang terbunuh semasa berlaku pergolakan di antara Rusia dan tanah jajahan itu sendiri pada penghujung tahun lepas... dan mereka dikatakan Islam..

well, memang intention pompuan2 ni untuk letupkan diri pada waktu pagi lagi because masa tu mmg rush hour coz students, workers and ramai lagi sedang tergesa-gesa untuk ke tmpt masing2.. so, they want to create high casualties..............

apa motif mereka? 1. balas dendam 2. menggesa kerajaan Rusia membebaskan kawasan itu untuk membentuk sebuah negara Islam (correct me if I'm wrong)...

so, nak dijadikan cerita, actually line warna merah tu merupakan antara line utama yang digunakan oleh pelajar2 Malaysia khusunya untuk ke kelas.. lebih2 lagi setesen Park kultury.. why? mostly pelajar Malaysia stay at Sportivnaya (2 stesen before park Kultury) and bangunan dekan terletak di stesen Fruzenskaya (1 stesen sebelum Park Kultury).. embassy malaysia terletak di stesen universitet (4 stesen sebeleum Park kultury), manakala stesen Yugo-Zapadnaya yang terletak di hujung sekali pada bahagian barat daya merupakan stesen yang turut menjadi tumpuan bagi pelajar Malaysia khususnya yang tinggal di Asrama Yugo-Zapadnaya, Pushkin mahupun M2 untuk bergerak ke sekitar Moscow...

ada 3 org pelajar Malaysia yg tercedera.. and semua adalah pelajar 6th year, pelajar tahun akhir.. alhamdulillah, just kecederaan ringan.... so far, 39 mati dan 100++ cedera (parah+ringan)...

so, di mana aku pada ketika itu? hehe.. pada pukul 7.56 and 8.40 pagi, saya masih tidur dengan aman di dalam asrama.. lecture memang ada but hari tu mmg rasa malas nak pergi (pengakuan ni).. but memang ada hikmah la aku ponteng lecture that time,. ramai gak member2 yg pergi lecture hari tu but mostly guna line warna oren dan later tukar ke line biru tua coz lecture terletak kat stesen Izmaylovskaya.. see, betapa jauhnya jarak antara tempat tinggal n kelas.. (tengok stesen kaluzhkaya(oren) and izmaylovskaya(biru tua)...

ada la member2 or beberapa pelajar2 malaysia yang almost naik train yang meletup at Park kultury tu.. but alhamdulillah, semua pun x sempat... Allah masih sayangkan mereka..

so, apa effect towards us?

1. Since yg buat tu adalah org Islam, maka the propaganda "Islamic Terrorism" semakin menjadi-jadi.. then, Russian's Islamophobia pun gets harder.. kalau yang lelaki like us ni, there is no problem sgt... but out friends yg pompuan yg ade prob skit coz dorang bertudung and they've become the subject of close scrutiny by everyone... but all of them are strong.. I know, they can handle this over... member2 pompuan aku kata, soon after the tragedy, since dorang pg lecture and masa on the way balik ke hostel, dorang ditakuti oleh org2 Russia yg lain.. masa naik metro, if dorang masuk gerabak je, org Rusia yg lain keluar.. but for now, dah ok kot...

2. acute trauma.. walaupun aku xda semasa kejadian, aku agak trauma naik metro.. masa naik metro, almost all the time mengucap dua kalimah syahadah.. just in case anything happen kan.. plus, kalo lalu stesen park kultury, memang or any other intersection station, masa tu la kegementaran makin menjadi-jadi.. but insyaAllah, all is fine( teringat crita 3 Idiots.. best gilerrr)..

3. xenophobia... Russian ni racist skit.. so, takut2 kalo this incident might double their racism..

yang aku hairan, why do they condemn that Islam is terrorist??????????

THEY ARE SO WRONG.. MY RELIGION DOESN'T PROMOTE TERRORISM AND TERRORISTS ARE NOT ISLAM!!

Barat telah mengeksploitasi media dengan menyebarkan propaganda bahawa Islam adalah agama keganasan.. apakah penyembelihan orang Islam di Kashmir, Chechnya, Palestin, Afghanistan dan banyak lagi tidak dikatakan sebagai keganasan?? Itu lagi ganas sebenarnya kerana manusia sendiri diperlakukan seperti binatang..

Whatever it is, everything happens for reasons and Allah the Almighty knows the best.......

Moscow is still bloody now.. And we're here remain with extra precautions....

btw, doakan keselamatan kami di sini.. :)

(p/s: sejak kes ni, aku rajin la pulak baca news Russia.. syukur ada Google Translator.. secara tak langsung, maybe dapat improve Russian Language competency aku yang masih lemah.. insyaALLAH...)

till then..

~daa

salam...

~I just don't know~

2010-03-23T01:42:00.004+08:00

..LOST IN TIME..

I mean seriously.. Completely lost without any hesitation to not to think back because I know it's no use at all..

What have I been doing all this while??

I don't know....

I accept for who I am..

2010-03-06T03:11:00.005+08:00

assalamualaikum w.b.t

It has been a while I didn't come up with new post and Alhamdulillah, with His will, now I'm up for some new post..

This post might sound a little bit like a confession and experience that I've been through along my 18 years journey of being who I am, with my own identity that I've developed from year to year, of course physically and mentally...

There was a time in high school in which all the students of my class had to arrange ourselves in a line, sorting from the shortest to the tallest.. And without making any comparisons with the rest, I know where I should be.. AT THE FRONT?? oo, I mean, the tallest one?? haha.. that sounds so sarcastic.. of course, the shortest one.. and that wasn't occured just once.. For like so many times, I've been doing the same thing.. In fact, I'm a poor short person..

Back then , at my primary school years, everything seemed normal since at that time, short or tall kids were just the same because scientifically, at this period of time, kids growth phase is slow.. Luckily, I was not the shortest one but still I'm at the 'Top 5'.. During assembly, there was no such feeling like ashamed or awkward standing at the front because height was just so oblivious at that time.. Or maybe just a little impact.. Oh no, it's kinda big.. My teacher confessed herself that when I was in Primary 5 and 6, I was recommended to be a prefect.. However, some other teachers rejected my name from the list because they thought that 'Ooo,. he's a small kid.. he doesn't suit to be a prefect.. How can he get respect from other students with his shortness?'

Upon knowing that, I wasn't pissed off.. I felt nothing..

Yeah, everything was normal..

However, everything changed soon after I finished my UPSR and entering the secondary school.. This is where the real challenge begin..

So, before I was admitted into MRSM Kota Kinabalu, I studied in SMK St. Mary.. You know, as people progressed with their age, their physical should also progress.. However, my progression was not as normal as others that I ended up entering that school as a '9 years old' student.. You know what I mean.. My other friends already have their-matured look but I was still with my innocent baby face and even broom is taller than me.. There was a day when my Dad and I went to the supermarket to buy some stationeries for school purposes.. And when I were paying to a female cashier at the counter, she looked at me and smile, then bleeded into giggles.. She then gave signal to her colleagues to look at me, and they did the same thing too.. I was like, 'Why?'.. But later on I knew why.. I dressed in a secondary school uniform and that really made me a clown for them..

Then, I entered MRSM Koki.. Entering this school at the first place was a nightmare.. I was so afraid.. I began to realize that being short is a threat..

And yes, it was a threat.. Since the first day of registration at that school, I've been the subject of attention.. At the very first day itself, when I went to the Dining Hall, everyone was looking at me, and then started whispering and chattering to each other.. Or should I say, they were talking about me? Yes they are.. And I knew why...

When I went to the first homeroom meeting, my homeroom teacher looked me with such a gaze and she said to my other senior homeroom mates, "We have a new kindergarten boy here"..

Then when I was on my way to cafe, a male teacher asked me, "Why are you using a big Lacoste T-shirt? (there was no size of me at that time)", then I simply replied, "Because there was no size of me.".. But then he tapped on my shoulder and said, "No, because you are too small.."

And when I walked down the stairs at one fine morning, a different male teacher asked me, "Have you been circumcised(sunat)?".. I just smiled and nodded and he giggled before replying me back, "Maybe you should be circumcised twice." (It is believed that after circumcision, a boy will get matured)

Everytime when I went to teachers office, I would think twice.. I know, there would be lot of commotion after that.. A female teacher said to the other male teacher, "My 10 years old son is surely taller than him.. He's so small". And sometimes some of them will greet me, "Hey little kid!!".

Everytime I represented the school when I was in Form 2,3,4 and 5, a student from other MRSM asked me, "What form you are in?".. I lied by saying that I was studying in Form 1 because I knew what the counter reaction would be but that didn't settle the case.. She said, "No, you don't even look like one. Looks like you're a primary school student".

And when I passed by senior's classes, some of them will look at me and start to shout, "Hye adik kecil comel!!" (especially the girls)..

Some friends of mine even said that some of their younger siblings are taller than mine..

And some without any hesitant called me a retard..

Because I'm small, I will never get the chance to line up at the back.. Some will say, "Sedarlah diri sikit!!"..

And being short made people look down at me especially in sport.. "He's just a small kid.. Sure there'll be no problem".. But when I walked out with glory, they would say, "I'm not doing my best la.. Just give chance to him cause he's a small boy"

Sometimes, when some other friend of mine who is also short but taller than me being teased, they will say, "Don't tease me la.. nanti Vilzan terasa".

When I wasn't chosen to take part in a scout jamboree when I was in Form 2, a friend of mine simply said, "You know why you are not chosen"..

Sometimes, my friends did say that they wonder who will I be going to marry.. And then they begin to question, "Are you going to get married? I'm not sure la.. Because only those who are desperate will marry you". And then they laugh..

When I went home for holidays during semester break, my height will always be one of the most compulsory subject to be discussed of by my family..

Everytime when I followed my family to go to 'kampung', my relatives will do the same thing, keep questioning why I am so short.. they did even compare me with my other cousins and started to make that sound (in Dusun Language) indicating what a poor person I am.. Even my dad and mom, when they were talking to others especially to their long lost friends or other relatives that they haven't seen for such a long time and at the same time, I'm visible at their sight, they will say, "That is my second child.. Just small one.. Never grow up."

Because I am small, when I was walking with my other friends of the same age and everytime they saw a playground or mini rides for children, they will start to joke, "Go, join those kids and play".

Everytime when I play volleyball and I can't reach the ball crossing above my head, people will start to laugh..

Some even asked whether I am still using Kiki-Lala's shirt..

because of my shortness, my friends sometimes, even for just joke purposes, they will call me, 'budak kecik', 'kanak2', 'budak tak matang', 'si pendek' and so on...

before I enter the university, some will question how my life is going to be..

and even after I entered the university, some people even said that "It looks like you are coming here to attend your secondary school.."..

There was my once younger brother chatted with his new friend and then his friend saw me.. Then he asked my brother, "Who is he?".. And my brother replied, "My older brother".. Then they started to laugh.. Even my brother or sister sometimes teased me for being short..

And when I involved in any stage performance like choir or choral-speaking, although the boys should be placed at the back, I will be the exception to those rules by being at the most front line.. and should I say it worse that I got my place at the very centre one?

and the list goes and goes... and of course, there are many other situations..

It's not an easy thing for me.. Because every single thing about being short is subjected to people's perception.. And that's what makes my day harder sometimes..

So, how do I feel??

Of course, at first I was hurted and ashamed.. I don't want to be the public attention and I hate people to tease me.. At the early days, sometimes I will sleep early in my room, covering myself all the way up from the toes to the head, and began to cry.. However, as time goes by, I begin to develop immunity against people's perception and tease.. I begin to accept everything..

When people call me with 'Si Pendek', 'budak kecil', 'kanak-kanak', 'baby', 'kindegarten boy', 'Peter Pan (Peter Pan never grows up) and so on, I will always reply them with a smile or sometimes with small laughter.. Sometimes I even said,"In few years time, I will grow up.." to them just because I don't know what else to say.. Sometimes I will act and pretending like I don't care what they are saying.. Sometimes I pretended than it is just a joke.. And even I joked with their tease just to not showing them that I am hurted or insulted..

Maybe I said that I develop immunity already but sometimes, it just won't work perfectly.. Sometimes I got offended.. Sometimes I feel like asking them to shut up their mouth.. Sometimes I feel like closing my ear.. Sometimes I feel like crying when the words striking up my ear.. Sometimes I just keep silence because I don't know what else to say.. I smiled and laughed but at the same time, I feel so weak.. Sometimes I feel like giving a counter tease but I just can't do it.. Sometimes I pretended as if I didn't hear anything when people start to question about my physical appearance.. When people tease me just because I can't reach a thing located at a height which I am unable to reach so, I simply say that I am unique.. Sometimes I feel so worry about my future life with this height.. When people say that I am not matured physically, I will smile and then I will turn back, looking at other sides and start to silent down ..

All the time, what I have to do is just listen, smile and accept the real fact that I'm a teenager who is nearing adult trapped in a small body.. People will never understand.. So what I am doing right now is indeed a good action I think..

Because I just simply can't hold on with people's perception, it makes me so phobia to get myself indulge with the public.. and even friends sometimes.. When I see people of my own age, I will never be going to make friend with them because I'm a small child and they are the real teenager.. I hardly be able to keep myself befriend with new people especially those who are of my own age because they might not believe that I'm their peers.. When I met some old friends of mine, I will try to avoid myself from coming in contact with them.. My parents did always advice me to not to be so shy or 'sombong' but I have my own reason for everything that I did and this is the major one.. You know, when you see your old friends who already grown up and at the same time you are just still the same, physically I mean, you will feel ashamed and it's better to stay back rather than going on.. When I hang out with my friends sometimes, I avoid to walk with them in a line and I will always stay whether a step behind or in front because they are all tall, while I'm just the spoiler one.. I feel afraid to befriend with my brother's friend because even they are younger than me, but most of them are taller than me and it's totally shameful for me.. When I walked in a place full of people, I tend to compare my height with some of them.. Even if I walked beside my friend.. When I were in a conversation and suddenly the topic is about height, I will try to change the topic but most of the time, I withdrew myself..Sometimes, it is even difficult for me to find shirts of my size.. When I shop for shirts or jeans, design or look is not the priority.. Size is what I am looking for because it is hard to find S or XS size.. Sometimes, I will have to find them in children's section but I will always hesitate to go.. I am trying to be a teenager.. A real one I mean.. But still, it's hard.. Sometimes I feel jealous when looking at tall people.. How blissful they are.. Sometimes I will search the internet and search for informations on how to be tall.. Simply saying, being short makes me to be somebody with a low level of confidence..

I know life is not easy.. But somehow, it has to be continued..

I am short because it is God's will and there must be reasons why I am created like this.. Nobody is perfect.. This might be the best thing for me and I should be grateful though because I am still living myself with perfect organs functioning.. I am inspired by Nick Vujicic who is still be able to lead his own life even with no arms and legs at all.. What he did is just to believe in himself.. And now, he has his own tour around the world to motivate people like me who is always down because of their weaknesses..

By the way, this is just a story from a boy who doesn't possessed a look of an 18th year old and he is still hoping for some changes even though he knows that the chances are very slim..

But up to this day, everytime he looked at the mirror, deep inside his heart, he accepts for who he is................

Goodbye Titanic, Hello Avatar

2010-03-01T04:03:00.003+08:00

assalamualaikum w.b.t

it has been such a simple day today.. by the way, I'm not gonna write anything about my personal life in this post.. it's just that I wanna share an information here..

ever since 1997, Titanic has been at the tip of the top in the box-office chart of all time worldwide.. with 11 Oscar awards grabbed, it seems to be that it is the best movie ever produced in the world..

well, in my personal opinion too, this movie deserved it.. everything seems just perfect in this movie .. this movie managed to gain a huge profit worldwide.. 1843 million USD!! that is a great amount of money.. that makes it the highest-grossing movie ever in the world...

until 12 years later..

yeah.. Avatar has taken the lead.. I haven't watched this movie fully but will soon be going to watch it up till the 160th minute.. but public's perception is genuinely positive and it receives lots of thumbs up and compliments.. with 9 nominations for the upcoming Academy Award, majority of people predict its huge success.. maybe it can't beat the 11 awards swept by Titanic 12 years ago but at least the crown of the highest-grossing movie of all time is now belong to Avatar..

2481m of total gross.. What a great success!! and James Cameron will be smiling all the way in his remaining lifetime because Titanic and Avatar - both are under his direction..

*this morning I watched Sepi, a Malay movie.. Quite a good movie.. I hope that Malaysia will produce more movies with that kind of quality...

till then..

daa~~

Rajin atau hardworking??

2010-02-23T23:21:00.006+08:00

assalamualaikum w.b.t..

Pada kali ini saya ingin membahasakan diri secara skema yakni meggunakan bahasa Melayu tanpa rojak..

Kenapa tiba-tiba sahaja saya bertindak sebegini?? Jawapannya cukup mudah.. Baru sebentar tadi saya membaca blog Zulkifli Bujang, seorang wartawan yang agak kerap muncul di kaca TV namun kebelakangan ini, agak kurang penampilannya.. Apa yang menarik perhatian saya ialah cara beliau menyampaikan mesej dan rencananya dalam penulisan bahasa Melayu yang agak bagus mengenai pengalamannya melibatkan diri dalam dunia kewartawanan.. ini tidak bermaksud bahawa dia tidak reti berbahasa Inggeris (he has a good command in English.. okay, kan dah ter'Inggeris').. Persoalannya, bagaimana saya mampu sampai ke blognya? 'A stalker always has his own alternative to stalk' (bahasa Inggeris lagi).. Itu jawapannya.. Jadi, kepada sesiapa yang berminat untuk membaca hasil nukilan beliau, anda bolehlah klik pada pautan ini >>> http://kiflibujang.blogspot.com ..

Apa yang saya hendak sampaikan pada hari ini? Masih buntu sebenarnya.. Cuma sekilas ingin menyampaikan apa yang tengah bersarang di dalam minda..

Seperti biasa, hidup sebagai pelajar atau student (penggunaan kali ketiga) sememangnya bukanlah mudah..Apatah lagi jika mengambil jurusan yang agak sukar seperti perubatan.. Hampir setiap minggu, pasti akan ada ujian ataupun test (sabar...) yang perlu dijawab.. Semestinya untuk menjawab dengan cemerlang, para pelajar perlulah mempunyai sifat rajin yang cukup tinggi untuk revise (ini boleh mengundang marah ni..) nota-nota lecture (baiklah, saya mengaku bahawa saya memang 'rojak') dan bahan-bahan pembelajaran yang lain...

Mengapa aku menulis sebegini??

Pada hari esok, saya akan menghadapi ujian Biologi (nasib baik tak terguna huruf y) pada pukul 10.30 pagi bertempat di tingkat 3, Jabatan Biologi.. Masalahnya, saya berasa amat malas sekarang.. Saya sedar bahawa ini merupakan sikap yang tidak seharusnya diamalkan namun cukup sukar untuk mengubah diri..

Walaupun demikian, saya akan cuba sedaya upaya untuk menjadi rajin pada malam ini dan melawan rasa ngantuk.. Pengorbanan ataupun sacrifice (huhh..) sememangnya amat diperlukan jika kita ingin mendapat keputusan yang cemerlang sama ada dalam peperiksaan mahupun apa sahaja yang kita lakukan..

Oleh sebab itu, doakanlah saya supaya mampu menjawab soalan dengan cemerlang pada hari esok.. InsyaAllah

*Sebelum ini tidak pernah pun terdengar nama Zulkifli Bujang. Ada yang menyatakan bahawa dia orang Sabah. namun begitu, sejauh mana kebenarannya masih diragui. Mentor saya yang memperkenalkan saya dengan Zulkifli Bujang.. Selepas itu, barulah saya mula perasan kehadirannya di kaca televisyen.

*Sudah lama tidak menulis menggunakan bahasa Melayu. Sudah menjadi kebiasaan kepada diri saya dan semestinya, segelintir besar orang Malaysia menggunakan bahasa rojak. Jika cikgu bahasa Melayu di sekolah lama saya dahulu menyemak penulisan saya sekarang, adakah saya layak mendapat gred A?

*Hari ini, orang Rusia merayakan 'Hari Lelaki'.. Pada hari ini, kami diberi cuti.

*Semalam saya bermimpi sebuah mimpi yang cukup seronok. Apabila saya terjaga pada pagi ini, saya berasa sedikit sedih kerana apa yang berlaku di dalam mimpi tersebut amatlah indah dan sememangnya saya mengharapkan agar perkara itu berlaku dalam kehidupan realiti.. Jangan salah faham, bukan mimpi basah.. :p

Baiklah..

Jumpa lagi..

a collision of mood...

2010-02-20T15:27:00.005+08:00

assalamualaikum w.b.t..

nothing much to write.. it is just an abrupt collision of mood to write a new post.. an improvised post I mean.. surely, anything labelled improvise sometimes doesn't have its aim.. well, should I say spontaneous??.. indeed it' s just the same.. with less thing to dig to bring up the difference, so looking at simple perspective, they appear just like a resemblance to each other...

okay, stop with the introduction.. intro of mumbling?? maybe..

recently, I got no mood at all to update any new post... not really in a no-mood but I got less time to update my blog plus blogging will steal some of my precious time in which they should be spent for another commitments...

some of my friends asked me, "Where's your Egypt Part 2??"

hmm... no reply... I did want to update them but I just don't know why.. But surely, there will be a sequel soon.. InsyaAllah...

the second semester has just started like 12 days ago... of course there were some unexpected and expected changes.. new subject is Histology and I would say that the lecturer of my group is kinda strict but it's for our own sake if we set our mind positively...

when the class has started, it means I am back at my old same routine for almost everyday with just little variations...

this week specifically, I was in a state of reminiscing back my old life... and some of them appear strongly in my mind and then it kept running for like days.... and there are things that I realised I've never done before although it was something related to my personal mission and in the end I completed it with just partial satisfaction...

I missed a lot of things for sure... and that triggered up my complexity once again and I actually just simply hate it... gosh!! when I begin to be complex, I will mess up myself.... people will see that I'm normal but that's not the reflection of what's burning inside.. forget it.. damn me...

so, how I'm gonna end it today??

fyi, I received an unexpected quote from someone.. happy?? tremendously yes...

but as usual, I began to twist it and the initial happiness was completely turned into sadness and disappointment.. what a machine I am..

so, 4 months to go... Malaysia, I'm coming home this June.. ^_^

till then

~daa

Egypt Trip Part 1

2010-02-04T09:18:00.003+08:00

assalamualaikum w.b.t

waa.. it's 4/2/2010 already.. cepatnya masa berlalu.. tak sedar..

so, hari ni rajin skit nak update blog.. setelah sekian lama terkapai-kapai menunggu update dari tuan punya blog.. so, nak post pasal apa??? of course la about my trip pg Egypt from 21-30/01.. hmm.. banyak juga nak citer ni.. so, for this post, there will be like few posts la.. from day 1 sampailah day 10... huhu

lets get started..

semuanya bermula pada 21/01/2010.. huhu.. bangun pagi, just mandi and packing skit2 coz the night before mmg dah pack awal2 (semangat la katakan).. hehe.. well3, ni first time ni pg vacation kat luar negara.. cewah... huhu

then, about 1.15pm, kami seramai 14 org pun mulalah menaiki coaster ke Airport Domodedovo (huhh, kali ni baru betul ejaan.. before this aku eja 'Domomedevo').. yg urus pasal pengangkutan ke airport ni is Firdaus.. thank you kerana sudi menjadi sukarelawan.. hehe.. at first, ingatkan pg airport just naik mashrut (like van yg mampu muatkan 10-13 people) yg juga merupakan antara kenderaan awam di bumi Moscow ni.. then yg datang, dua buah coaster berwarna putih.. ktorg naik coaster yg first.. second coaster just untuk letak bag.. huhu..

ucap selamat tinggal to roomate n friends ape sume, then ktorg pun belah.. huhu..

naik coaster ni, kene bayar 5000 roubles... around rm 600 la katekan.. so, since ktorg sume 14 org, sorang pay around 360 roubles = RM 40++.. ok la.. berbaloi... teringat masa kat intec.. from shah alam to KLIA around rm 60.. padahal 30 minit je perjalanan.. huhu.. lama jg nak sampai airport from our hostel.. more less 1 hour la.. nasib baik tak jam at that time.. so, perjalanan kinda smooth ler.. huhu.. spanjang dlm coaster, mulalah melayang imaginasi tentang apa yg bakal dilalui for the next ten days.. hahahaha.. 8 org budak tajaan MARA + 6 prg tajaan Yayasan Terengganu (YT).. so, masa ni, x rapat lg la.. masih dlm proses malu2.. haha.. nak buat citer lg menarik, aku sorang je student lelaki MARA.. yg len sume pompuan.. nasib baik la student YT ade 4 org lelaki.. so, quite ok la ratio 5 boys to 9 girls.. huhu...

dalam coaster on the way to airport..

then, pabila sampai di airport, terus tgk kat departure screen.. we arrived just at the right time.. just wait 10 minutes, then check-in counter dibuka... masa ni, boleh kate aku tolong lead la... kejap je.. hehe.. masa check in, ada sedikit prob.. pegawai2 Egypt Air tu kata kalo nak pg Mesir kene ada Visa... huhu.. actually tak perlu coz negara Komanwel, Malaysia boleh masuk without apply Visa... so, pegawai2 tu kol ape mende ape sume, then everything beres.. tak perlu ada visa.. haisshhh.. dah lama keje pun x tau ka??? ..... luggage aku weighed 12 kg.. haha, maklumla, byk bawa baju.. smpi egypt malas nak basuh... but ade lg beberapa org yg luggage lg berat..

after smua dah check-in, masing2 tanya sesama sendiri seat no... the 13 guys sume duduk dekat2... aku sorang dilempar jauh duduk di belakang, seat no 45C... damn.. huhuhu..

45C.. jauh dilempar ke belakang.. :(

after that, sementara menanti 5.25 pm, ktorg pown pg solat asar, makan pizza di sbarro, solat maghrib then beralih ke balai berlepas... hmm.. part ni aku x suka.. kene lalu imigresen apa suma.. fussy btol...

makan2 di airport.. semua MARA students..

with students YT..

masa sampai imigresen counter, aku pun serahkanlah semua dokumen2 perjalanan yg aku miliki.. haha.. pegawai imigresen yg periksa dokumen2 aku tu pompuan.. so, die belek2 sume... then, tibe2, die tengok muka aku lama2.. then pandang passport n visa.. aku agak TERKEJUT di situ... aku hairan la juga.. 'ko kenapa???' monolog dalam hati.. dia renung muka aku, then dia tgk passport aku.. hmm, nak bandingkan la tu muka aku atau tidak.. then pompuan tu kembalikan passport aku.. ingtkan dah beres... then die renung visa aku, then tgk muka aku, tengok visa, tengok muka... kali ni lama skit.. around 5 minutes.. pompuan tu mcm suspect aku ni org yg berlainan kot.. maklumla, dalam visa, gambar aku botak sebab aku amik gmbr tu after kuar PLKN.. ade la mcm rupa penjenayah.. seriously.. my dad ckp, my fren yg lain pun ckp... aku dah mmg berdebar n takut.. dengan penuh harapan, akhirnya visa aku diberikan dan aku lepas imigresen tu... huhh.. wat takut je... syukur alhamdulillah..

masuk je balai berlepas, ktorg dah kene call-in.. this time pown prob jugak.. kat boarding pass tulis gate 11A.. but sorang pramugari tu suruh pulak masuk through gate 1A.. hmm, napa tak inform awal2??? x sistematik la...

lepas sume masuk kapal, then aeroplane tu pun tebang... penerbangan selama 4 hours sgt bosan.. dah la aku dok sorang.. so, aku just spend 4 hours mostly tidur, makan chicken with macaroni (sedap) and tengok TV kecik... cerita negara mana, aku pun x tau... masa dah nak landing, aku jenguk la tingkap.. waa, banyak lampu.. first impression terhadap cairo - cantiknya, banyak lampu.. huhu...

at 8.35 pm Cairo time, safely arrived at Cairo International Airport.... waa, first time jejak kaki di benua Afrika, lagi2 di bumi Anbia.. subhanallah...

turun kapal terbang, kena naik bas pg terminal.. sistem yg agak berlainan but ok la, sistematik.. huhu.. sampai bangunan terminal, puteri2 MARA sume tunggu aku coz dorang dah naik bus yg first... aku naik 2nd bas.. aku kan duduk bhagian belakang.. huhu.. cewah, mcm putera raja.. masuk je dalam, ada borang kena isi.. borang tu dah kene bg dah kat dalam flight... but sekali ngan booklet travel guide in mesir.. aku x sedar pun ada borang dlm buku tu.. tu yg aku tinggalkan je buku tu dlm aeroplane... nasib baik ada borang yang sama disediakan berhampiran kaunter imigresen.. hilang kerisauan..

setibanya di Airport Cairo

lepas lalu imigresen, ktorg pown pg la amik luggage and tunggu ustaz sampai.. masa ni, mmg wondering jugak camne muke ustaz tu... uhuhu.. scott, sebagai ketua kontinjen, call ustaz yg ktorg dah sampai.. 15 minutes after that, tibalah akhirnya.. Ustaz Farhan n Ustaz Firdaus.. after masukkan beg apa sume, then gerak...

masa dlm coaster, agak rasa teruja coz x sangka dah sampai mesir rupanya.. haha.. tengok banyak je tulisan arab... excited... walaupun malam.. masa dlm coaster, masing2 pun wondering ke mana ktorg akan dibawa.. dgr kata, we will stay at apartment.. waa, apartment camne tu??? sume bende wondering la.. huhu..

fulamak, rumit sungguh jalan2 di Cairo ni.. belok sana, belok sini... aduhh.. pening kepala... then, 20 minutes after that, ktorg sampai di sebuah kawasan.. tgk kat luar, ada muka mcm org Melayu..

turun dari bas, ktorg pun diberitahu that we will stay at kawasan di mana penduduk Malaysia tinggal.. huhu.. syukur.... then, dine at Cafe Rumah Selangor.. waa, masakan Malaysia.. so, memang selera agak tinggi.. haha... then, datang sorang abang ni, nak minta order minuman.. tengok kat menu, hmm, terus order Hot Chocolate... mcm sedap je nama...

but seriously, mmg sedap sgt... selama 9 hari aku makan kat Cafe tu, mmg Hot Chocolate menjadi pujaan.. fulamak.... the best!!!!

habis makan n taklimat apa sume, ktorg pun dibawa ke ruma masing2... dak pompuan stay kat Rumah Arab n Rumah Sarawak respectively... yg ktorg ni tak tau Rumah ape.. masuk je la.. masuk je dalam, we were all like , "OMG, bestnyer... ada tv, dapur, washing machine, 2 bilik yg cukup besar, ruang tamu.. seriously, mcm rumah".. haha.. mmg best la.. sangat teruja.. coz, kalo nak bandingkan dengan hostel ktorg kat Moscow, mmg ketinggalan jauh la our hostel .. but still selesa la jugak hostel Pushkin tu.. huhu..

malam tu rasa penat skit... tgk TV kejap, susun barang skit then tido since the next day, kol 7.30am dah kene pg breakfast n 8am, gerak to Pyramid......... hehe, ok... to be continued....

till then

~daa

kembali..

2010-01-31T19:08:00.001+08:00

back in Moscow..

had a great time in Egypt.. rindu~~~~

leaving Moscow..

2010-01-21T17:20:00.003+08:00

assalamualaikum w.b.t

finally the day come... 21/01/2010... just 0, 1 and 2...

so, today I'm gonna leave Moscow, going to a place somewhere about 4-hours journey by plane...

hehe....

so, I'm not gonna be online for 10 days I guess.. specifically, to update this blog.. InsyaAllah, once I come back from there, I'll write about my journey and experience...

so, off till 30.01.2010

till then..

daa~~~

(p/s: wish me a pleasant journey!!)

the last stage before temporary freedom...

2010-01-15T04:23:00.002+08:00

Assalamualaikum w.b.t

Thank you to Allah s.w.t for his bless of life that I'm still able to live as a normal human and the best thing of all, I'm still alive.. Feel so grateful..

This is gonna be just a short post since my critical schedule only allows me to write a post maximumly in 10 minutes..

Tomorrow I'm going to have final exam for this semester and it will be the last stage after passing the earlier 2 stages of examination with flying colors..

However, that might not worth it if I don't do well tomorrow.. And tomorrow's test will be held orally.... That adds up the nervousness that I'm having right now... Oral exam is so different when we were to compare it with written exam.. In oral exam, the faster you answer a question in just hole-in-one attempt will give you the best credit.. This might be a big advantage to those who think fast... To those who still we call intelligent but the output production is kinda slow, this might be unfair...

Oral examination is very subjective and a tool that you really need so that you can get a better mar other than knowledge is LUCK.. without luck, knowledge means nothing in oral exam...

so whoever read this, a wish of luck will be so much appreciated.. I still don't gain enough strength right now, and the build up will continue until 4 am I guess.. As usual, last minute preparation require extra effort and not to mention, SACRIFICE!!!

by the way, I can't wait for the exam to finish tomorrow because after that, TEMPORARY FREEDOM is what I will have.... and bigger plan is gonna come, with fun and new experience..

okay.. take care everyone..

till then

~daa

Bye2 Volgorians

2010-01-08T05:38:00.003+08:00

salam w.b.t

huhh.. cepatnya.. dah 8hb..

x sedar pulak.. exam pown just around the corner.. on 11 and 15 January.. but satu subjek je.. Bioorganic Chemistry.. study pown x complete lg.. insyaAllah, manfaatkan masa yang ada.. jangan nanti menyesal tak tentu pasal, just because attitude diri sendiri..

so, what's up?.. hehe.. suddenly rasa rajin pulak nak update blog.. actually, there's nothing important to share pown.. just because tangan ni gatal sangat nak menaip, tu yg tba2 je nak post entry baru..

so, fikir n fikir again, nak post pasal what's happening on 6th January 2010..

ok2.. apa terjadi???? ada org kahwin? mati? lahir? ada negara kena bom???

ok2.. ni bukan perkara besar pown untuk satu dunia tau.. haha

ok2, actually, masa 6hb tu, budak2 Volgo (all girls) yg telah bercuti selama lebih kurang 5 hari 4 malam di Moscow ni kembali semula ke tempat kesayangan mereka, nun jauh di Selatan Russia, Volgograd.. perjalanan dah la lama giler.. minimum 18 hours, maximum 30 hours.. OMG, boleh sakit bontot duduk dlm train tu.. but xpe, ade katil pown..

so, ktorg pergilah hntr dorg.. x semua pun hantar.. but hampir most of us la...

then sampai je kat station Paveletskaya around 7.30 pm, so yg kwn2 ktorg yg girls Moscow and Volgograd bersembang and berpelukan la.. maklumla, bukan selalu dpt jumpe ni.. tangisan tu normal la.. Peluk sana, peluk sini, cium sana, cium sini, akhirnya tumpah air mata.. ada yg nangis terang-terangan and ada yg just nangis dalam hati.. camne aku tau ek?? aku tau la...

so, at platform no. 3, pukul 8.04pm, train dorang pown bertolak.. rasa sedih la pulak.. even aku xdela rapat ngan dorang but I can feel la the sadness member2 pompuan aku.. nak berpisah ngan kawan rapat, sapa x sedih.. lainla kalo secara zahir nampak mcm kawan rapat, but actually hipokrit.. ok, itu cerita bidang lain la...

before dorang nak berlepas tu, bykla jugak aku amik gambar.. nak test skill la kononye with my DSLR yg x seberapa ni.. maklumla, beginner la katakan.. amik gambar banyak2.. memang enjoy la.. especially masa kat platform.. perghhhhh~~~ lighting, surrounding, tempat sume kena.. memang cantik la kalo amik gmbr.. and aku happy gile la coz dpt tgkp shot dari pelbagai angle.. in fact, waktu tu suhu -15 kot.. mmg sejuk gile.. dah la tak pakai glove, bare hand exposed directly to surrounding.. serius, beku tangan aku!!! even masa nak masukkan tangan dlm poket pun tak dapat nak masukkan coz aku x dpt rasa apa2 with my hand.. PARALYZED!!! huhh.. itu yg aku rasa.. so, adalah member sorang ni, nama dia Azwan, pinjamkan aku glove dia.. huhhh.. baru rasa ok skit.. feel much better..

so, walaupun sedih, still memang enjoy coz dpt amik gmbr.. but the bad thing is, banyak gmbr yg useless... dahlah waktu malam plus tgn aku yg x steady lg nak hold camera and lens aku yg xda image stabilizer, banyak gambar hancusss!!!!! geram giler.. seriously.. I;m in urgent need at least a tripod.. rasa kecewa sgt coz angle gmbr dah cantik but SHAKING!!!!!!!!!! nak edit to sharpen pun dah x dpt................

anyway, adela jg certain pic yg sharp and considerably ok.. walaupun xdela nampak mcm pro, tp adela jg bibit2 untuk advance ke next level (perasan).. haha

ok, nak upload ke gmbr2 tu?

so.. ni la antara gambar dorang.. aku dah edit ni.. malas la nak upload satu2.. banyak kot.. dahlah saiz sume besar2.. byk lg sebenarnya.. kalo nak tengok penuh, pg Facebook Profile aku under album "Bye2 Volgorians + Train Station Photoshoot".. Tajuk album x bleh bla.. haha.. kalo yg nak tengok juga tp bukan friend aku, add la aku.. senang citer..

tp, antara semua pic tu, ni pic yg aku paling suka...

haha... ni la satu2nya gmbr aku pada malam tu.. comel, hensem n cute plak tu.. haha.. so, sapa2 nak berkenalan boleh je.. I'm halfly available (huhh???).. ok2.. itu merapu.. sorry..

by the way, renungkan..

"PERPISAHAN ITU MENYAKITKAN, NAMUN PENANTIAN LAGI MENYEKSAKAN.. OLEH SEBAB ITU, KITA DIUJI DENGAN KESABARAN DAN KEKUATAN.. INSYAALLAH DIPENGHUJUNGNYA DIAKHIRI DENGAN KEGEMBIRAAN"

so, that's it.. perpisahan dan penantian tu dah jadi permainan umum dalam kehidupan.. just that cara nak hadapi all these things yg vary between individual..

whatever it is, we're all will be back to Him..

till then..

~daa

school sucks!!

2010-01-06T20:49:00.006+08:00

it's already 6/01/2010.. new year feels just like yesterday..

but the truth, it's not.. it was 6 days ago..

so, what's up in these 6 days? well, in Malaysia, school has just started on 4th January for the new semester.. and surely, for new year.. and I am pretty sure that most of them who are welcomed to come back to school sighing (like I used to) for a very short holiday with a duration of 1 month +++.. 1 month? mind set calls it long but truthfully, it's not.. 1 month is very short... and the sigh is a must for everyone.. I know, school time sometimes can be so sucks.. you will only say it when you are still study on the same chair, table and class for 2 semesters, with almost the same routine every week, of course, lots of homework and tasks to be done, and sometimes you will curse and call the teachers with offensive words for doing some extra classes just to finish the whatsoever syllabus... exercises and assignments are totally shits, presentations are like hell and exams are totally nonsense and burdening.. and I know, you might say that the rules in school are just way too manipulative and strict and they limit your freedom.. and as a teenager, who is on the transition stage towards maturity, this is such a great battle, or might even worser than the World War 2.. "Rules are made to be broken".. This might sound familiar..

so there goes the total bullshit in school.. and everything ended once you finished the last paper of SPM or whatsoever public examinations.. and you feel like a bird, flying on the sky, leaving the suffer behind.. and yes, you are so free...

but...

when you begin to step on the real world, you find it even sucker than before.. you fight in the real battlefield.. you begin to learn the deeper meaning of the word struggle.. stress and tense are getting stronger.. life seems to be more complicated.. everyday is about facing challenges.. problems getting bigger, responsibilities get more and more, loads felt like heavier than a heavy stone and moving on sometimes is a question.... the rules are even tighter.. routine could come in variations but it is even completely burdening.... and when you feel all of this, you realize that you are now having the symptom of being adults...

then one day, you drive your car, passing by your old school, and you see kids are fighting childishly, with so much fun, as if the word problem is not even a word with definition..

YOU MISS SCHOOL TIME.. back then, it was a great thing to be in school uniform, facing all those shit things in school.. and you find out that school is a place of fun, a place where real friendship evolved, a place where you just learn everything about life...

Shit, Crappy, Hell, Orthodox Organization of Life..

that's what you may define school at that time..

but then, after you've been no longer in school, you begin to treasure what SCHOOL is all about..

when you are already a successful person, you might think that.....

SCHOOL is a "Sign-in to Culture for Hi-Performance Output of Life" School is suck but there you learn about something fun.. School is crap but you miss the happiness there..

School is Hell but is is actually a heaven .. School might be orthodox but later on you will miss it for being too modern in thinking demeanor.. And life is even better at that time..

An old friend of mine said that, "We are all kids at heart.. And kids study in school".. haha

so, to those who are still studying school, enjoy your time there because you're gonna miss it like HELL!!!!

there are lots more in my mind but enough for this.. hehe

till then~~

daa~~

new buddy..

2010-01-05T02:30:00.003+08:00

assalamualaikum w.b.t

anyway, who's my new buddy?

straight to the point, it's my new DSLR.. should I call it new? well, I bought in last year on the 18th of December (the phrase 'last year' denoted as if I've bought it like for such a long time ago).. today is the 17th day it is under my care.. but only today I make an official announcement through my blog.. well, nobody care I guess...

it is like a dream come true owing my own DSLR.. and frankly, never did I touch a DSLR for at least once in my life.. but why did I so eager to buy it? it's because of my interest with photography..

oo, it's a Canon EOS 1000D.. an entry-level DSLR..

before I bought it, I had two main problems..

1) I had two choices.. the first one is this one and the second choice is Nikon D3000.. both of these are entry-level cameras.. with just a little difference in price, that makes me even harder to choose and come to a conclusion.. so, i did a research.. I browsed many websites and forums, making comparison, looking through every single detail about each camera, looking through every sample pictures and even read reviews and opinions from random users.. it felt like conducting a serious research as if I were doing my thesis for PhD.. that's hyperbola.. but seriously, it's kinda serious and important to conduct research because this might include a big budget and I don't wanna regret at the end of the day.. my mind was fussed up.. totally.. what a hard decision to make since one thing might lead to the other.. and it's not just me.. there were even more people out there sitting at the same situation as mine.. firstly, I did really want Nikon D3000.. but as I went along with my research, I began to develop my interest with Canon EOS 1000D.. I asked my friend for their opinion, and most of them suggested that I should by Nikon.. then I asked, why? most of their reasons sounded like this 'Nikon is more popular, Nikon is better (how do you know it is better?), many people use Nikon and so on'.. then I asked them back, "so, what's wrong with Canon".. the only answer that they can give was , "Canon is quite good.. Up to you..".. so, asking them was like I was asking myself back since at the bottom line I didn't get the definite reason.. so, after doing research for quite some time, finally I chose Canon EOS 1000D.. so the same question again, "Why?".. well, this time I just followed my instinct.. basically, Nikon D3000 and Canon EOS 1000D, both have their own pros and cons.. if I explain in technical perspective here, it's gonna be a long post to read.. but in the end, buying one of it will not make you feel regret for not buying the other one because both of these cameras are destined to be rival to each other..

2) I got confused whether I should buy DSLR or follow the trip to Egypt at the end of this month.. so, it's more to financial problem because choosing one of it will surely defeat the other one.. I mean, I don't have enough budget.. so, I asked for opinions from my friend and even posted this confusion in my FB status "Antara DSLR or vacation?".. and in less than 2 hours, I received 61 comments.. what a standing ovation!! haha.. of course, there were some difference in opinions.. some asked me to buy DSLR, while some asked me to choose both, and some suggested me to go forward for the vacation and I can buy one later.. and some even suggested me to borrow others.. One of the best reviews suggested that I should go for vacation instead of buying DSLR because once I've bought it, the budget will keep on running and it won't stop just like that.. He said that after I own one, the next time I will have to make a decision whether I should buy a lens or follow vacation, and after that I will begin to consider whether I should go for a trip or buy a speedlight.. He even said that I should just buy it later in Malaysia and not to buy the entry -level one.. He suggested I should go for the intermediate level since it will be more money efficient.. As I've said before, one thing may lead to another..this was such a hard decision to make.. One of my friend said that, "Once you own it, you don't have to buy lenses or speedlight la.. The DSLR itself is enough".. Hmm, what a mouth you have!! I know that I'm surely going to be more into this because I'm a big fan of photography..

so, now that I already have it, does it mean that I should say goodbye to the vacation.. the answer is hell NOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!! If I get the chance to travel, I will never skip it..

so, how about money? do I have enough? the answer is hell YES!! I found a solution to have them both.. and what't is it??? SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH... secret.. hehe..

so, with this DSLR, I wish I can learn more about photography and enhance my skill..

I will strive for the best snapshot... at this point, photography is just my hobby... but I do hope that if the moment will come, it will be more than just a hobby.. or simply saying, I should go deeper into this field..

since this is just an entry-level DSLR, I don't expect for a very great photo quality.. I am just at the learning stage and that's it, don't expect more.. (azam tahun baru ~~ jgn expect lebih2.. nanti kecewa)

who knows if I can be a photographer later???? amin..............

till then

daa~~

(p/s: napa aku ni suka fikir benda yang tak sepatutnya difikirkan??)

2009 part 2

2010-01-02T03:05:00.003+08:00

so, hari ni dah 1/1/2010..

and secara rasminya, 2009 telah pun melabuhkan tirainya..

2009 was a great year for me.. sad and happy experiences came along the way, took their turn to accompany me.. sometimes depression would slide in.. but after that laughter would soothe me down.. barriers by barriers appeared and they taught me how to move on.. every day came with new things and the knowledge of life gained and gained..

2009 was kinda special and I spent it with extra 5 hours since Moscow time is 5 hours backward 0f Malaysian time.. so, it was 5 am in Malaysia when I celebrated new year.. not really a celebration.. just a nice sleep I guess..

2009 - a year of a circumference.. as one of the best year in my life, of course I do hope for something better ahead.. I feel so grateful to Allah s.w.t for his bless, giving me life and I got to see the beauty of life in 2009.. thank you Allah..

so, 2009 has finally ended..

no more 2009 after this as it waved us off yesterday.. but the memory will last forever.. something which can only be found in 2009..

GOODBYE 2009!! I will miss you.. :'(

2009 part 1..

2009-12-30T20:04:00.002+08:00

salam w.b.t

it's 30 december.. 2 days more to go for new year..

anyway, simply saying, hari ni aku rasa terharu and happy.. dua perasaan yg apabila dicampurkan akan membentuk precipitate perasaan yang hard to define.. *teringat biorg n gen. Chem*.. reasonS? xpa.. let me be the only one yg tahu..

walaupun skrg ni holiday, but gloomy mood tu tetap exist.. walaupun best, x yah stress study, still, klu kebosanan d exhibit potential energy yg tinggi *fizik la pulak*, kinetik enegry will be di tahap yang rendah.. so, kalau kurang kinetic energy, movement pun kurang, tu yang asyik melayan perasaan tu.. hahahahahaha..

so, sedar tak sedar, new year dah nak dekat.. 2009 ni bakal berakhir? sedih kan.. tambah2 lg, 2009 ni aku rasa best gilerr... so many unexpected things happened...

In less than 33 hours, we will reach the new year ~~ 2010.. resolution? haven't set one yet but of course, list does exist.. somehow, if I were to rate between happiness and sadness right now, sadness deserves more from me.. I don't know why but 2009 is one of the best year indeed in my life.. simply too many new things learnt and experience bounced over here and there.. wow, simply amazing!! all through from top to bottom, left to right, every circumference I've been went through, 2009 offers it all to my life and life becomes nearer to a level in which I appreciate my life very much.. soon, there will be no more a realistic 2009, but memory will play at its best so that they remain stored forever..

but the most important thing after all, it's Allah.. the bless of life from Him is the reason why we are still here today..

alhamdulillah..

ok till then~~

daa..

to mom n dad..

2009-12-29T00:29:00.003+08:00

salam w.b.t

when the saying floated up in some thinkers, there went the initiation to think.. and it flowed to the rest of the body to be experienced and felt..

so, when people said that studying abroad offers you too many challenges, you just nod as a matter of fact that you are ready for it.. because you know it's gonna worth something good for your life, the future life I mean..

so, when you are at the venue, that's it.. you feel it more rather than what you expected yourself to feel..

so, just be strong.. now you know how does it feel to miss your parents 25th surprise wedding anniversary.. :'(

feel so unfortunate to be abroad..

anyway, wish my parents a 25th anniversary wedding celebration.. really proud to be your son and love both of you!!

till then

~daa

(yeeeeeeehhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!! final colloq tomorrow before holiday!!!!!!!!!!!)

idealess..

2009-12-22T00:51:00.003+08:00

assalamualaikum w.b.t..

21/12/2009 ~~ 11 days to go for New Year..

Moscow time ~~ 7.51 pm

dah lama x update blog.. seriously, no idea..

this time pown, still x tau what to post because everything seems just so boring to be shared in my blog.. wanna talk about life, but life aku bukanlah mcm dlm kisah novel yg mempunyai susunan plot yg menarik..

anyway, we know that 2009 is almost coming to an end, before we add 1 to 2009.. 2010.. it's nearing..

should I say I'm surprised?

seriously, it feels like yesterday that 2009 has just started.. and now it's gonna be ready for 2010 to substitute our calendar..

so fast, huh??

so, the main point here is TIME.. personally, I am a person who is so much unfortunate, because at most of the time, at whatever venue or podium, time is always ahead of me.. 'Manage your time wisely' - a usual statement to remind us how time is the key player in our life.. but still, I think I always fail to do so..

I realise that time moves very fast, although sometimes we might feel how the seconds-hand at the clock is not moving that fast.. but, even with any recurrent velocity which science may prove, our mentalities know more.. I mean, we do realise how fast time can leave us behind, but our manipulation towards this external condition is so weak that we like to delay things.. we simply put ourself in a safe zone of our own creation by saying to ourself that "There is still time".. I direct this personally more to myself..

I study at the very last minute..

I finish any task at the very last minute..

I always made my decision at the very last minute..

and there has been so many times I learnt that doing things at the very last minute, or maybe seconds, is not the way to live, if we have a strong desire to put ourself at the apex of success..

I do have such a very high ambition but can it be materialised if I keep staying at my own shoe???

so idealess..

(p/s: towards the end of semester 1.. x sabar nak habis)

till then..

daa~~

these are my habits..

luahan dalam hati..

2009-12-09T04:59:00.005+08:00

assalamualaikum w.b.t..

hmm, seminggu tak update blog..

update ni pun just untuk luahkan apa yang sangat2 bersarang dalam hati dan minda.. mentally, aku sangat kusut dan serabut.. walaupun this week takde test, but still rasa mcm depress and terlebih bermuhasabah diri la pulak.. maybe salah satu pasal factor weather kot.. now in Moscow, suhu below 0 .. tomorrow maybe -8 kot.. ya Allah, bantulah aku menangani cabaran ini ya Allah.. seriously, before this, even sejuk pown boleh je tahan.. but yesterday, kesejukan memang mengancam sehingga ke paras maksimum..hidung berair, tangan almost nak beku sampai merah.. hanya Allah s.w.t yang faham apa yang aku rasa.. this is just part of the game.. banyak lagi cabaran mendatang.. tapi aku yakin, I can stand it.. because Allah will only test human being dengan test2 yang mampu diatasi oleh manusia.. so, aku tahu, even if I say yang memang aku tak dapat nak atasi cabaran ini, it's totally wrong.. maybe secara sekilas, x dapat nampak la.. that's why kena relax and cool, fikir secara tenang, berdoa to Allah and solution will be there.. InsyaAllah.. senior pun ada kate gak, usually kalau winter, memang depress because sejuk, siang start lambat and malam start awal.. it's like surrounding turns out to be gloomy.. but a wise person that I really respect, salute and sayang always said "BE ADAPTIVE"..my lovely DAD pun selalu kata "SABAR.. KASI KUAT HATI".. indeed, adaptation is the solution la.. there's no use la nak mengeluh or what.. x dapat selesai problem jugak.. so just manipulate yourself je la to adapt with surrounding.. ade la jgk member2 yg suka mengeluh nie.. sumtyms rasa geram tapi aku ni bukan la jenis yang suka wujudkan pergaduhan or what, so aku diam je la.. aku pun mengeluh juga sumtyms but recently, baru sedar even mengeluh2 ni pun xde function sebenarnya.. plus, it might lower down your self esteem.. so just accept je la apa yg berlaku.. because HIKMAH will be there..

another one thing is kalau macam ada exam and aku dapat result yang aku x satisfy, aku akan rasa down sgt.. but not down smp malas nak berusaha.. a good thing about me is everytime aku fall, semangat untuk bangkit tu lagi tinggi.. "THE GREATEST SUCCESS IS NOT IN NEVER FAILING BUT TO RISE UP EVERY TIME WE FALL".. ni la yang selalu wat aku naik semangat.. aku admit la, during primary and secondary school, aku selalu jadi top student.. result exam memang mantap la.. rasanya x pernah gagal pun.. but since masuk INTEC and MMA ni, I think aku ni just golongan average je la.. bukan pandai sangat pun.. so, at first tu, kalo dapat markah rendah berbanding kawan2 lain, rasa macam kecewa because kalau zaman school dulu, selalu jugak dapat markah tinggi.. memang take time la benda ni to develop.. because previously, you used to be a person yang selalu on the top, but suddenly just on the average.. memangla ibarat suatu ancaman.. sampai aku kata la yang aku ni makin bodoh or what sampai nak nangis but benda ni aku dah boleh terima.. and now I know how it feels just to be on the average and sometimes jadi pelajar lemah.. it's not that aku x nak belajar sungguh2 to do my best.. no la.. semangat untuk buat yang terbaik tu always ada and will never vanish.. tp now, even kalo aku x dapat capai apa yg aku nak, i will accept it with an open heart.. life is like a wave.. sometimes at the top, sometimes at the bottom.. kalau selalu top tu, boring la hidup.. and maybe, should not be called life kot.. again, there must be reason for this.. HIKMAH..

saying about study, recently aku balik2 terfikir, kenapa aku nak jadi doctor? why aku pilih program Russia ni? betulla cakap wise person tu, apa yang berlaku pada hari ini, when we think about it, it will bring us to the basic.. now, aku dah jejak kaki and pijak2 salji di Russia, baru sedar, y must Russia? y must Medic? ok, firstly, why Medic? aku pun still bengang lagi.. maybe antara factor is my parents.. they don't force me to be a doctor but if I don't be a doctor, i know they will be disappointed.. plus, since aku kecik lagi parents aku selalu cakap 'Ko jadila doktor' but not in a forceful way.. and benda ni seperti ter'absorb' dalam diri but aku xdela minat sangat kat dunia medik ni.. they really praise a doctor and I want to make them proud.. that's y kot.. then, doktor ni mcm glamour kat malaysia and lagi satu pasal career prospect yang terjamin.. pasal duit tu xdela sgt.. kalau nak kata pasal minat, aku minat gila3 dengan Matematik.. anything yang involve Mathematics.. like Actuarial Science, Statistician or Mathematician itself.. serius, memang minat ngan Maths.. satu2nya benda yang buat aku semangat untuk study is Mathematics.. aku xdela terror Maths.. even kuiz olympiad pown x pernah menang.. saguhati pown x dpt.. tp jiwa aku memang Maths.. tp yang aku fikr, kalo aku amik MAths, aku boleh jadi ape je? Pensyarah, cikgu, what elsE? I used to think like that before.. tapi, bila dah matang sikit ni, aku mula terfikir, x kisahlah aku akan jadi apa, as long aku study apa yang aku minat, then that would be the best thing in my life.. even jadi pensyarah pun dah ok.. boleh keje kat university.. plus, kalau minat sesuatu benda tu, mesti org tu akan study pasal that thing mendalam kan.. so, boleh kate, kalo aku amik Maths, aku akan proceed until aku dpt Professor title kowt.. haha.. (temberang).. but now, aku tgh terdampar kat Russia ni, study Medic.. seriously, jiwaku langsung x mencintai dunia Medic lg.. still blur.. aku just follow je rhytm untuk study medic ni tp hatiku langsung x wujud di sini.. still searching.. another one thing is, y Russia? ok, aku actually pilih Russia sebab program ni under biasiswa MARA.. so rugila kalau lepaskan.. plus, program ni express.. prepare just 6 months and then terus fly.. so lg la rugi kalo lepaskan.. then, tfikir yg Russia ni negara 4 seasons, dpt pegang snow,. plus, Russia ni mcm gempak je.. lagi satu, Russia ni kan kat Europe, so senang je nak pergi London, Paris or Berlin ke time cuti summer... memang best la.. sape tak nak? peluang depan mata, takkan nak tolak??!! then, lagi satu, aku kan terpilih untuk ikut PLKN, so kalau aku dpt program ni, aku boleh kuar awal dari kem PLKN.. huhu.. another one reason is very2 private.. hanya aku dan Allah je yang tau.. baru aku sedar.. betapa narrownye mind aku waktu tu.. tp aku terfikir jugak, peluang dah depan mata, takkan nak tolak? nanti, yang dikejar tak dapat, yang dikendong berciciran.. kalau tgk sebab2 aku nak jadi doktor and pg Russia ni semua pasal sebab2 remeh.. sebab2 yang langsung x matang.. bile dah matang sikit, baru sedar.. hehe

tp aku perasan something, disebabkan sebab2 yg remeh-temeh ini aku boleh jejak kaki ke Russia? hmm, mcm x percaya.. then, aku realise, Allah ada rancangannya sendiri.. there must be reasons behind all of these.. ALLAH nak uji aku dan ajar aku something.. I can't see it now but in 6 years, insyaAllah I will learn what it is.. pasal aku x berapa minat Medic ni, aku yakin that minat can be developed.. plus, dalam surah Al-Baqarah ada sebut "boleh jadi kamu membenci sesuatu, padahal ia amat baik bagimu, dan boleh jadi kamu suka akan sesuatu sedangkan ia buruk bagi kamu.. Allah Maha Mengetahui apa yang tidak kamu ketahui".. (teringat teks forum Ajim during National Forum Competition).. Allah knows the best for me.. so just redha and follow His guideline..

hmm, baru dua bulan duduk Moscow, and x sampai 5% pun study Medic ni, aku dah fikir kompleks.. hmm.. another 5 years to go!!! insyaAllah, Allah will help me in this quest..

okla, rasa tenang sikit.. penat pulak type panjang..

(p/s: manusia ni tak pernah rasa puas...)

till then

~daa

redha dan pasrah..

2009-12-02T15:15:00.002+08:00

salam..

today, I'm going to have Biology Test..

I don't know why but it's like I'm ready to face whatever mark that I will get.. lulus or gagal, x kisahlah.. not like the previous tests in which I was craving for an A.. this time, aiman x kisah.. (sape Aiman??).. hehe..

just do my best..

InsyaAllah s.w.t..

till then~~

daa..

salam Aidiladha..

2009-11-28T18:52:00.004+08:00

assalamualaikum w.b.t

hehe.. tak terlambat lagi nak wish Selamat Hari Raya Aidiladha..

for the very first time, I celebrated my Aidiladha out of Malaysia.. but I don't feel like celebrating it here since I had classes yesterday.. so, x dapat la pg sembahyang raya at embassy..

sempena raya ni, let us pray to Allah semoga hidup kita dikurniakan dan dilimpahkan dengan rahmatNya.. insyaAllah..

once again, saya, Vilzan bin Momin, pelajar tahun pertama di Moscow Medical Academy (MMA), Moscow, Russian Federation ingin mengucapkan selamat hari raya korban kepada semua Muslimin dan Muslimat tidak kira di mana jua anda berada especially to my family in Sabah and to all of my friends whether in Borneo or Peninsular of Malaysia or wherever you might be..

renungkan..

"Seorang Muslim itu adalah saudaranya orang Muslim lainnya, janganlah ia menganiaya saudaranya itu, jangan pula menyerahkannya - kepada musuh. Barangsiapa memberikan pertolongan pada hajat saudaranya, maka Allah selalu memberikan pertolongan pada hajat orang itu. Dan barangsiapa melapangkan kepada seseorang Muslim akan satu kesusahannya, maka Allah akan melapangkan untuknya satu kesusahan dari sekian banyak kesusahan pada hari kiamat. Dan barangsiapa yang menutupi cela seseorang Muslim maka Allah akan menutupi celanya pada hari kiamat." (Muttafaq 'alaih)

till then

daa~~

SALAM AIDILADHA

setahun yang lalu..

2009-11-26T02:43:00.003+08:00

teman2..

hehe.. muka tym form 5..

hari terakhir in 5 Zamrud..

classmate 5 zamrud yang best2 semua..

tyme formal dinner..

team forum yang hebat dan mantap!

graduasi form 5.. finally..

assalamualaikum w.b.t..

setahun yang lalu.. apa yang berlaku?

baru realised pasal benda ni after baca post Azwan di FB and in his blog.. thanx Azwan for reminding me indirectly..

23/11/2008 actually was the last day for me to stay in MRSM Kota Kinabalu.. still remember that day was our last SPM Paper - Physics.. for those who took 9 subjects la.. everybody was so happy exactly at the moment when the invigilator announced that the time was up.. but not more than few minutes after that, those happy faces gradually turned into sad faces.. why? because the end of the paper means that it's time to leave.. leaving a place where you have learned so many things about life.. MRSM Kota Kinabalu or simply called Koki might not be called a big and wide place with only 30 acres of area.. but in this limited place, in which at first was a prison in my sight, I personally learn so many things and experienced so many wonderful moments ranging from the easiest to the hardest one, sweetest to the bitterest, smallest to the biggest and less to more..

how I really miss that moment.. when I was in Form 1, I wished that I could leave that school but at the end of Form 5, I wish I will never go out,. that's just kind of so not idealistic yet so childish statement to say but that's what I felt personally.. but we know, life has to go on.. we have to move on.. there are many other angles in the world and Koki is just a very tiny part of the world..

the richest thing about being there is I met with so many people and made many friends which are so outstanding and what else to say rather than saying that they are my besties!! jumpa mentor pun di Koki jg :).. jumpa first crush pun at Koki jugak.. teachers in Koki were all great and seriously, I miss them a lot.. rindu sekali dengan warden2, abg2 n kakak2 DS n Kafe, junior2.. simply saying, I miss every single part of that school..

now, dah setahun berlalu, my friends and I semua have their own path.. we're on our own way.. with our own chapter.. haha, rasa sebak pula.. but I know, there must be reason for all if this.. and there must be reason why Allah s.w.t gathered us in that school to study together..

sometimes, kalau nak tidur tu, tiba2 teringat pulak kisah2 di MRSM.. my dad said that the moment in secondary school was one of the best for him.. and I'm so agree since it went the same way on me..

will miss it forever..

(p/s: matilah aku next week.. ade 4 tests.. confirm otak meletup.. )

till then~~

daa..

Birthday Mira a.k.a Hana Banana!!

2009-11-23T01:42:00.004+08:00

salam..

so first of all just wanna say Happy Birthday to my colleague, Amira Farhana binti Abdul Jamal..

well3, last night we held a party for her.. I mean, a surprise party but it didn't turn to be a fully surprise party.. just a partial one but still it turned out to be a great Saturday night..

everything was planned at the very last minute and of course, we didn't expect for something perfect.. just wanna find some fun.. and we did it last night.. yeah.. last night was great.. everyone was turning into kids with all those balloons and not to mention, the cute hats that settled on everyone's head..

so here are the pics taken with my Samsung S8000.. you can't see any picture of mine since I was the photographer for last night.. hehe.. not for the whole event.. but some part of it.. I wish I have a DSLR right now.. I'm so damn crazy about it..

we ate so many food - nasi lemak, cakes, the apple mixed with vanilla ice-cream, tom yam.. warrgghhhh.. we were so extremely full.. practically, we rarely able to feel 'kenyang' here in Moscow.. syukur Alhamdulillah..

all in all, just wanna say once again, Happy Birthday Mira.. wish you a better life ahead and may Allah bless you..

(p/s: what a weekend.. seriously, I wish that I could use a DSLR last night.. haha.. I'm so damn crazy about this photography thingy.. never mind, I'll grab one next year.. thanks guys for last night)

till then..

~daa

hilang la pulak..

2009-11-20T07:22:00.005+08:00

salam..

waktu Moscow: 2.22 am

status : just woke up from the bed..

I'll be going to have General Chemistry test.. and luckily, I've slept enough for 5 hours I guess.. and now, it's study time..

suddenly I just realised that this might not be that easy.. I mean, I lost my notebook!!!!!

maybe I left it somewhere at the dean's building yesterday.. huhh, why didn't I realise it earlier? well, I did have the instinct that something was not right.. but I only feel the aroma.. and the conclusion after several hours of being left unanswered by my instinct, I lost my book!!

hmm, how am I going to study?

I'll find the alternative..

till then

~daa

test and test and test.. again and again and again..

2009-11-19T03:43:00.004+08:00

salam..

hmm, right now ni, sementara ada masa free, blogging kejap..

haisshhh, susah jd student medic ni.. even baru first year.. tambah lagi, study in Russia.. plus, register lewat sebulan.. so, it's like every week pun ada test.. TEST!!! arghhh.. this week, it's gonna be Anatomy (again n again) and General Chemistry.. anatomy will be tomorrow whereas Gen. Chem will be on Friday..

as usual, still don't prepare very well.. so, terpaksa stay up until 5 am.. arrrggghhh.. takpa.. then, tomorrow, my class will finish at 7.45 pm.. Russian Class... and at 9 am on Friday, I have test for Gen. Chem.. seriously, I haven't prepare enough.. omg, how am I going to face this??? stay up again? maybe.. yeah, maybe..

it's ok.. cubaan.. cubaan.. hehe.. later kalau jd doktor lg susah..

okla,.. wanna continue study..

till then

~daa

Lets welcome the new face..

2009-11-18T04:16:00.006+08:00

lets welcome the new face of my blog!!

I guess it's quite attractive rather than the previous one.. the previous layout is kinda boring and somewhat like too sentimental.. that's why sometimes I don't feel like updating my blog..

hehe

enjoy this cooler layout!!

till then

~daa

circus..

2009-11-16T02:22:00.008+08:00

assalamualaikum w.b.t..

I'm posting this soon after I get back from metro Universitet, watching circus performance..

well, this seems like a great experience since I've never ever have the thought to sit in a big auditorium or colloseum or hall (don't know what the place is.. if anybody knows, tell me, ok?) to watch circus performance..

so, how was it?

i think it was amazing.. seeing acrobatic performance and the colourful attires together with the dance and difficult body articulation plus with some heart-pounding action which you would say in the end "How did they do that?" or "I'm gonna die if I were he".. and yes, frankly, i've just seen a mini-erotic performance by some of the dancers.. I mean, in terms of their dressing which is very very sexy.. and the move too.. HOT!!.. yeah, it looks like what i saw on TV before but now, it appears just at the right place!! haha.. well2, seriously, man won't be called a man if they fell like yucks watching that dance.. except those who are really2 'beriman'..

but somehow, I am hesitate to go to circus again next time.. why?

well, watching animal being beaten and whipped so that they will move and perform the difficult action is not something that I like.. it makes myself feels like too cruel watching the performance with excitement but in fact, all those animals were trained brutally at the backstage.. the whipping sound seems converting to a definite pain in which I could imagine how all those animals might feel.. the suffer that they have to confront.. even tigers and lions, the wild predators, watching them being beaten did really hurt me personally.. I mean, they deserve a better life other than this.. performing for human's entertainment.. no way.. it is something out of the bound for them.. we, human being might feel that seeing a tiger jumping over a ring of fire, camels moving in a funny way, lions and dogs standing like a human and dance and so on is something which is splendid or wonderful but believe me, they never want to do it unless they are tortured and punished outside the performance's stage.. even when they perform on the stage, the trainers are still whipping them as if they are never-feel-pain robots..

I guess, circus is a HELL for animals.. Animals have no place in the circus. They belong in their natural environment, where they can roam and live freely, not in performances where they are forced to jump through fire and perform tricks. Bears, elephants, tigers, and all other circus animals deserve a peaceful, happy life, and that's why we've been fighting to end circus cruelty.

Circuses are traveling prisons where animals stay locked up for days without adequate care. Trainers use bullhook,whips, sticks, electric prods and other tools that intentionally cause pain and injury to force animals to perform acts that are often frightening and painful. It's important to talk to people about the harsh realities of this business and show them that the only circuses that are truly entertaining for everyone are animal-free circuses.

so, for another circus, should I? I should think first..

again, it was a great experience.. special thanks to our 5th year seniors- Ili, Ikhu, Ku Ammar, Zaim and Asy for spending time with us and bring us to the circus..wE really appreciate it..

ok, till then..

~daa

bio test..

2009-11-11T15:06:00.003+08:00

as i mention before, today I'm going to have Biology test.. hmm, as usual, last minute study doesn't really helping that much..

again.i just have to depend to luck.. although i guess, recently I'm so far from it.. by the way, I wish I can do my best.. amin,,

"p/s: serabut.. sangat serabut.. at the same time, addicted to Airline Manager game in Facebook~~ miss so many things.. miss so many people.. complex thinking,. laziness.. hmm.. not homesick.. just like.. dunno how to say..

UDACI!!!

the disease..

2009-11-10T03:38:00.003+08:00

previously, I often wrote how complex my thinking is.. I thought it is something normal but somehow it kinda be a symptom for this syndrome.. ~~ Too Much Thinking Syndrome (TMTS)

it's kinda serious at some stage but I guess, i still haven't reach the severe stage.. but I already showing up the symptom..

people say, there is only one thing to cure this disease ~~ No Thinking Whatsoever.. This can be accomplished by some through intense meditation..

huhu.. am I mentally ill? no idea.. but indeed, TMTS is still playing, controlling who I am..

searching for remedy but it requires me to act outside the bound... so hard...

emo..

2009-11-09T00:13:00.003+08:00

recently, I often get emotional.. but I didn't express it.. just playing within me.. no one knows.. cause I'm an excellent man in disguise.. but i can't lie to myself.. there is just so many things hanging over me.. and everything seems happening just like yesterday.. and I have to get back at the starting point again..

unorganized~~ again and again..

flowing throughout my circulation.. ohh, so pointless..

anyway, I feel much2 happier today.. I got to chat with my family.. feels like I'm home.. special thanks to the webcam.. bring us closer..

I have three tests to endure next week.. tomorrow will be Bioorganic Chemistry.. tuesday~~ Latin Language.. wednesday ~~ Biology..

I'm speechless..

Just fighting till the end..

bitterness ~~ the core of sweetness...

2009-11-04T23:09:00.003+08:00

assalamualaikum w.b.t

hehe.. I still remember when I said that I began to be more hardworking to update my blog.. anyway, that's just a spurt of words which can easily be expressed by anyone if they want so.. somehow, you can just speak about anything easily without realizing the fact that to make into a real action is absolutely a 180 degrees turning from what you've said or planned earlier.. in a very simplified term or sentences, it's hard.. that's all.. in fact, that's what I feel.. because you can't expect what will come that will hinder your effort from being pointed into this simple thing.. updating blog is a simple thing? no way, it requires idea, creativity as well as the unnamed spirit.. yeah, the passion must be there or else, you will stare at the desktop without anything to withdraw from your 10 fingers transferred from the brain..

hmm, suddenly I feel like revive today to post about this.. bitterness ~~ the core of sweetness.. somehow, some people might not agree with it, or some will only agree half of it and some will be on my side, agreeing the fact with confidence as if it is the truest fact in the world.. haha.. sorry, mumbling..

we know that to succeed or to accomplish anything requires a lot of effort, work and loads.. and this will include sacrifice of energy and time, as well as, at some point, might take some part of our life for granted.. all of these are required so that we can achieve what we want.. I believe that at some stages of the progress we will begin to feel like cursing, crying, stress, depress and so on.. everything is just bitter and hard at that time.. it feels like it is the worst thing to do in the world.. fine, we should move on.. but after all the hard work coming to its end, we see the output and result.. we will feel great about it and extremely happy.. the expression is something which is more than words that we know.. that's why some people end up rolling their tears down at this stage.. it was just so magnificent as it is something that you never imagined before.. perhaps, this is the sweetness that we are waiting for..

simple analogy, you wanna win in a singing competition.. so, you have to work hard every night and day, enhancing your voice projection, fixing the pitching, moving with the dance and so on.. you find that this is not easy.. and you feel like giving up.. but, you know you must move on.. so, when the result is announced, whether you win or not, you feel the blast.. and you will feel how sweet everything is and how far have you flied along the voyage.. indeed, it's all about the bitterness that have pushed you..

bitterness is the core of sweetness.. without experiencing the bitter, you will never learn what is sweetness.. this is what we called life.. i remember an inspiring quote, "To be the greatest of the great, you must suffer the bitterness of bitter".. so inspiring..

I still remember when I was in secondary school, I've been participating in many events or competitions.. and of course, I had to practice hard until at one point, I felt like giving up..I couldn't have enough sleep, I had to skip class and many more.. however, when everything has ended and I was declared as the winner, I felt so great and I know it's because of the bitterness that I've gone through before.. anyway, I miss it..

and then, there is one competition that I participated when I was in Form 4.. the Mini Torpedo Racer Competition.. our college sent four groups and my group was one of them.. we worked very hard just to make sure that our torpedo is the best.. and there were many 'bitterness' at that time, until at one point we felt like we will not going to win.. so there came the competition.. and yes, we didn't win and among the four groups sent, our group was the only group which failed to make it to the top 5.. we placed 6th.. and we were all like so sad.. and my friend did cry.. because we've been working so hard.. and of course, we felt like so small to be compared with the other three groups of our team.. but from the bright side, we are the winner than them all..because we are the team which had learned so many lessons and I knew it might be useful for the future.. still, it is still a sweet experience which has bitter topping..

remember, whenever you feel down, this is just part of the game.. never give up..

remember, there are no boundaries.. think about the ending.. the ending is everything..

KRIS ALLEN -

Seconds, hours, so many days
You know what you want, but long can you wait?
Every moment last forever
When you've lost your way.

What if my chances were already gone?
I started believing that I could be wrong
But you guve me one good reason
To fight and never walk away

So here I am, still holding on

With every step, you clim another mountain
Every breathe, it's harder to believe
You'll make it through the pain, weather the hurricanes
To get to that one thing

Just when you think the road is going nowhere
Just when you almost gave up on your dreams
They take you by the hand and show you that you can
There are no boundaries 2x

I fought to the limit, to stand on the edge
What if today is as good as it gets?
Don't know where the future's heading
But nothing's gonna bring me down
I've jumped every bridge and I've run every line
I risked being safe but I always knew why
I always knew why

So here I am, still holding on

With every step, you climb another mountain
Every breathe, it's harder to believe
You'll make it through the pain, weather the hurricanes

To get to that one thing

Just when you think the road is going nowhere
Just when you almost gave up on your dreams
They take you by the hand and show you that you can

You higher, you can go deeper
There are no boundaries above and beneath you
Break every rule cause' there's nothing between you
And your dreams

With every step, you climb another mountain
Every breath, it's harder to believe

Yeah!

There are no boundaries

With every step, you climb another mountain
Every breath, it's harder to believe
You'll make it through the pain, weather the hurricanes

There are no boundaries x3

till then~~

daa..

(p/s: second anatomy test tomorrow.. wish me luck)

indahnya Masjid..

2009-10-18T03:31:00.004+08:00

assalamualaikum w.b.t..

waa, looks like I'm getting more hardworking to write a new post to my blog.. hehe..

well3, that's kinda good because I wanna keep my reader to fed with something new, or maybe something about my perspectives, experiences or lessons to be shared.. It's not that I have lots of reader to read my blog or what but the bottom line is, everything is about my own passion and satisfaction.. something that you do without being forced.. absolutely spontaneous.. driven by the desire and spirit that I own within me..

ok, this time I wanna write about masjid or in English we called it as 'mosque'.. how did I come up with this so-not-me title of post.. well2, it is something related to what I experienced yesterday..

so, yesterday, after I finished my Physical Culture class, my three house mates and I went to Prospekt Mira, where the central mosque of Moscow is located.. so, about 6 pm, we arrived there and directly performed Asar prayer.. so, at the very first glance, I felt so calm and happy of course because this is the first time I saw a mosque in this city of Moscow.. it is not as beautiful as the mosques that we have in Malaysia but still, it is still comfortable enough to home hundreds, or maybe thousand of Muslims who gonna perform their pray, or doing Islamic activity inside it..

the Islamic culture here is so different with what we have in Malaysia,, what I wanna say is that the Muslims here are so kind and even polite.. they love to give Salam to each other although they might not know each other.. our presence there was welcomed with so many salam and even greet form those who were there at the mosque..

we went into some conversations with people who were at the mosque yesterday and of course, there were communication problems since they can hardly speak in English.. only in RUSSIAN.. but it's not that bad.. we still could catch the meaning of some of the words they were saying.. but practically, we were so sluggish.. hehe.. but we met this one guy namely Imran who can speak in English fluently.. he told us how things had changing in Moscow.. things get better in Moscow and they started to recognize Islam as a religion to be practiced.. then we met another guy like Tursunboy, Azamat, Mohamad and Yusuf and shared ideas about Islam and life in Russia.. it was just amazing that you have someone to talk about Islam in Russian.. practically I only heard about Islam mostly in Malay.. the feeling, you know, can't be described by means of words or what.. something so different and you began to feel like, Islam is just so amazing as it is indeed..

but most people who came at the mosque, as what had been told by Imran are not the pure Russian.. i mean, most of them were from the neighbour country of Russia like Uzbekistan, Kyrgyztan, Turkistan, Tajikistan and so on.. he said that there are many brothers of Muslim in Russia but they don't come to the mosque because of culture clash and some other reasons..

In a country in which Muslim is the minority, there are even more obstacles to face.. but the guy which we forgot to ask his name said that, as long as you believe in Allah, there is nothing that you should worry because He will always prepare a way for you..

I only managed to capture 2 pictures of the mosque.. and they were just inside the mosque..

at this mosque, there is also a cafe selling halal foods and a shop selling halal products and meats..

I might not be the person who is suitable enough to talk about religion but still, I am a Muslim.. basically, what I saw yesterday has taught me to appreciate my own religion, Islam and I should be proud of being a Muslim..

till then..