Yes, I've had it enough. I've been saying this to myself for couple of times but I never committed it. My mind told me to give up when things didn't get right and in this case, surrender is actually the better option rather than letting it endure with time.
I did and do try but confusion often appears as the last layer and as it is always accustomed to happen in nature, the final stage is often the hardest. This is the point where I will have some kind of mental technical gymnastic and all the twists and somersaults really do their best to wrap it all in my mind. After the final routine execution, I will get back to the initial point. An
expected discontinous sequence has been turned into a metamorphosis. Sounds cool but that's not how I want it to be and the way it often appears in the end is equal to useless.
Even a child at their simplest mind can tell how useless something is if it recoils back to the initial point when the main aim is not to get there back. And it is even more painful when you still have the audacity to repeat the same thing, hoping for miracles but during the whole process, you know that it will never get to escape from making a U-turn.
Sometimes I lament for what had happened and genuinely feel sorry for what I try to expect. I have considered to stop trying but I am afraid if I might lose something which could be sort of the best thing ever happen in my life.
This whole week was one of the toughest week to go through mentally as my mind wasn't working as a mind.
For sure, I have had it enough but it doesn't mean I'm gonna come to a halt from being silly in this matter at least in the near future.
May Allah guide my conscience and it will tell me what to do next. Amin..
-vilzan-
